To whom it may concern,
My impression is that if you're reading this you're either one of 2 parties: the girl being saved for later, or the guy who is benching the girl. Since I don't know which one you are, there will be 2 parts to this letter. With that being said, I recommend you read the whole thing, no matter who you are.
To the girl being left behind and picked up again like a toy he forgot about:
My question to you is why. Why do you give him the power to make you feel all sparkly and new one minute and like a broken toy the next? Although it sucks that he is the one doing this to you, you need to take some responsibility and realize you are doing it to yourself too. You answer the phone when he calls after disappearing for 2 months. You agree to meet for brunch or drinks without a second thought. You get butterflies when he gives you "that look" or when he tells you how much he missed you. And every time you think it will turn out differently only to be disappointed...again.
There are two kinds of men out there: the one who will make you feel important 24/7 and take the time to see you or talk to you even if he is busy (trust me, they exist). There's also the guy who will never have enough time for you and claims he is "too selfish" to have anything serious right now, even though he tells you he really likes you.
Ahh, those magic words: "right now." Giving you false hope that in the future, near or far, he's going to magically change and be there for you no matter what. That's the part that gets you. The thing is, everyone is a little selfish, but as we grow up and mature we learn how to balance our selfishness and our selflessness. So if he's being selfish, so should you; by moving on. You deserve to be happy without him just as much as he's happy without you. Sounds harsh, but if he were truly miserable without you around he would do something about it.
I leave you with some advice: treat yourself to a new dress or pair of shoes that make you feel fabulous. Gather your girl gang and pop some champagne and cheers to the fact that you may not have your prince right now, but he will show up eventually. And believe me, once he does you'll forget about the guy who didn't take you seriously.
Now to you, the guy who enjoys playing with the same girl's heart time and time again:
I have a question for you as well. Why on earth do you give this girl false hope if you know that you don't want anything serious? It's a simple question really, and I'm sure I'm not the only one wondering it. Whatever reason you have, please stop. It's not a fun game that anyone, besides you...apparently, wants to play.
As stated above, I told her to move on. Please let her. Please let her be happy with someone who gives her everything you can't. I understand it's your loss, but it was your decision too. Love isn't always like a movie...you can't show up at every bar you think she'll be at, or sit outsider her apartment in the pouring rain with her favorite flowers, or crash her wedding in hopes that she'll leave him for you. The time for the big gesture was ages ago, before you broke her heart the first time. It will hurt seeing her put all of her effort into someone who appreciates it, but I hope you remember: that was you, but you were too blind to see it.
My advice for you is to get whatever closure you need. Whether it's a text wishing her well in her future endeavors, or if you prefer exiting from her life without a word. Keep her as a fond memory, but don't act on those memories. The past is in the past and it's time you let yourself and her focus on the future, separately.
To both of you:
Life is hard, this is part of it. Don't give up hope that you will find who is meant for you. Don't let this keep you from falling when you do find the right person. There is a lesson here for both of you. For her: know what you deserve and don't settle for anything less. For him: treat others with the same respect you want.
