A Guide To Sounding Smart At An Art Museum

A Guide To Sounding Smart At An Art Museum

Helpful tips that will make you appear like you really get art, even if you don't.
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Have you ever gone to an art museum and felt like an idiot because the art isn't speaking to you. Does each painting just look like the last one, but maybe a little less clear? And have you ever gone with someone who loves talking about art, but you have absolutely nothing to say?

Well, lucky for you, I have put together a quick go-to guide on some tips and phrases that will turn you into an art genius! (Or at least make you appear to be one.) Use at your discretion, however if you are able to incorporate all into a visit -- you definitely will impress your friends, family, and the random strangers in the gallery. Here it is:

1. Walk right past a painting, but then go back to it immediately as if you didn't get to take in all its beauty the first time. Gasp audibly.

2. Pick a painting to look at far away. After some time, move extremely close to it. Say something like "remarkable!" or "I can't believe its the same painting!"

3. The moment you see a painting by Renoir, shout "Oh finally, a Renoir!"

4. Pick the biggest painting you see and say, "The scale! Breathtaking!"

5. Go to a painting and say, "Hmm, much brighter than I expected."

6. If you hear someone say that the painting they are looking at is one of their favorites, go to them, look at the painting for a moment then say, "Oh well then you definitely won't like his later work."

7. Pick a painting, talk about the artists fantastic ability to render (key word) the figures.

8. Go to a bench or stool in the gallery, study it as if it were a work of art. If someone asks, say, "When you think about it, isn't everything art?"

9. Go to any impressionist painting and say, "To think, people hated that back when it was created!" Walking away chuckling.

10. Look at any painting, say "I see, I see," as if you had an intellectual awakening.

11. Go to a painting and turn to a person looking at it. Study them intently. When they ask what you are doing, say, "I realized that in this moment we are the art." Walk away, still looking at them.

12. Find an artist that you have never heard of at all and say something like, "Oh I absolutely adore him. One of my all time favorites!"

13. Stand next to someone looking at a painting. Turn to them and say, "We have to remember that the true art lies within the artistic process."

14. Look at a painting and laugh, as if it is some joke that only you get.

15. Carry a glass of champagne with you at all times. Even if a guard says that you can't have a drink in the gallery, insist on carrying it, saying something like,"But how am I supposed to fully appreciate the art?" Laugh at the ignorance of the inexperienced art "lovers."

16. When in doubt, if you need something to say, just shout, "Oh! The use of color!" That will always work. Always.

And there you go! Just some tips that will convince anyone that you've been studying art for years. The next time you are at a museum, be sure to try some or all of them out! People will definitely be impressed.

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50 Quotes from the Best Vines

If you're picturing the vines in your head, you're doing it right
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In 2017 we had to say goodbye to one of the best websites to ever roam the internet: Vine. In case you have been living under a rock since 2013, Vine was -(sad face)- a website and app that took the internet and the app store by storm in Winter 2013. It contained 6-second videos that were mostly comedy- but there were other genres including music, sports, cool tricks and different trends. Vine stars would get together and plan out a vine and film it till they got it right.

It was owned by Twitter and it was shut down because of so many reasons; the viners were leaving and making money from Youtube, there was simply no money in it and Twitter wanted us to suffer.

There's been a ton of threads on Twitter of everyone's favorite vines so I thought I'd jump in and share some of my favorites. So without further ado, here are some quotes of vines that most vine fanatics would know.

1. "AHH...Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant"

2. "Nate how are those chicken strips?" "F%#K YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....F%#K ya chicken strips!"

3. "Road work ahead? Uh Yea, I sure hope it does"

4. "Happy Crimus...." "It's crismun..." "Merry crisis" "Merry chrysler"

5. "...Hi Welcome to Chili's"

6. "HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE?" "THAT'S MY OPINIONNN!!!.."

7."Welcome to Bible Study. We're all children of Jesus... Kumbaya my looordd"

8. Hi my name's Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow. Well I'm a point guard, I got shoe game..."

9. "It's a avocadooo...thanks"

10. "Yo how much money do you have?" "69 cents" "AYE you know what that means?" "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

11. "Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla."

12. "Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

13. "Get to Del Taco. They got a new thing called Freesha-- Free-- Freeshavaca do"

14. "Mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

15. "Two brooss chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay"

16. "Jared can you read number 23 for the class?" "No I cannot.... What up I'm Jared, I'm 19 and I never f#@%in learned how to read."

17. "Not to be racist or anything but Asian people SSUUGHHH"

18. 18. "I wanna be a cowboy baby... I wanna be a cowboy baby"

19. "Hey, I'm lesbian" "I thought you were American"

20. "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag" "you spilled- whaghwhha- lipstick in my Valentino White bag?"

21. "What's better than this? Guys bein dudes"

22. "How'd you get these bumps? ya got eggzma?" "I got what?" "You got eggzma?"

23. "WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?" "THEY are my crocs!"

24. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

25. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEN!" "I can't sweem"

26. "Say Coloradoo" "I'M A GIRAFFE!!"

27. "How much did you pay for that taco?" Aight yo you know this boys got his free tacoo"

28. *Birds chirping* "Tweekle Tweekle"

29. "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal"

30. "I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" "huh...Judas..no"

31. "Sleep? I don't know about sleep...it's summertime" "You ain't go to bed?" "Oh she caught me"

32. "All I wanna tell you is school's not important... Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog...RUFF. You know?"33. "Oh I like ya accent where you from?" "I'm Liberian" "Oh, my bad *whispering* I like your accent..."

34. "Next Please" "Hello" "Sir, this is a mug shot" "A mug shot? I don't even drink coffee"


35. "Hey did you happen to go to class last week?" "I have never missed a class"

36. "Go ahead and introduce yourselves" "My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-" "Stop, stop, stop. Where?" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "There's a bee?"

37. "There's only one thing worse than a rapist...Boom" "A child" "No"

38. "Later mom. What's up me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker...GIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?


39. "Dad look, it's the good kush." This is the dollar store, how good can it be?"

40. "Zach stop...Zach stop...You're gonna get in trouble. Zach"

41. "CHRIS! Is that a weed? "No this is a crayon-" I'm calling the police" *puts 911 into microwave* "911 what's your emergency"

42. "WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? "

43. *Blowing vape on table* * cameraman blows it away* "ADAM"

44. "Would you like the spider in your hand?" "Yea" "Say please" "Please" *puts spider in hand* *screams*

45. "Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garrbaagge"

46. *girl blows vape* "...WoW"

47. *running* "...Daddy?" "Do I look like-?"

48. *Pours water onto girl's face" "Hello?"

49. "Wait oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman" "HaaaAHH"

50. "...And they were roommates" "Mah God they were roommates"


I could literally go on forever because I just reference vines on a daily basis. Rest in peace Vine

Cover Image Credit: Vine

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An Answer To The Question Of Our Times, Does Lightning McQueen Have Car Insurance Or Life Insurance?

The debate has been settled.
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My third year at Elon ended awhile ago, but there is one question I was asked this year that is still burning in my mind. It's not from a class I took or a meaningful discussion I made but it is still of utter importance.

Does Lightning McQueen have car insurance or life insurance?

It's been presented to me that he could have both but that answer just doesn't satisfy me. Sometimes not everyone gets to be right. Just like you shouldn't get a trophy for being the 12th best team in little-league, Lightning McQueen should have either car insurance or life insurance, not both.

My initial response was that McQueen has car insurance because, you know, he's a car. However, a deeper dive into the issue shows me that only fools would think this way.

Throughout the “Cars" universe it appears that cars are the main source of intelligent life on the planet. There are no signs of human beings ever existing. Even if you subscribe to the theory that all Pixar movies share the same universe, there are still no humans on earth at the time of “Cars."

With no humans around, it's reasonable to believe the cars think of themselves as the dominant form of life and would thus, have Car insurance. Our hearts are their engines. Our buttcracks are their mufflers. You get the idea. What's most important is that while life looks different for Cars, they would still refer to it their insurance as for their lives.

If you are still saying that since they are Cars they would call it car insurance, I would love for you to show me the “Human Insurance" card you keep in your wallet. Oh, you don't have one? That's what I thought.

If Lightning McQueen really had car insurance like in our world, please tell me who is working on him when he goes into the auto shop? A car working on another car sounds a lot to me like the “Cars" version of a doctor, not a mechanic.

Overall this debate is silly. Once you get past your initial instincts, It's clear to me that whatever the dominant, intelligent form of life is in the world, they would have life insurance. It doesn't matter if that is cars, kangaroos, or even refrigerators. The dominant life is life, and that life needs to be insured.

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

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