Love can be a wonderful thing. There are those who, unfortunately, may have experienced a recent break-up. While a break-up never feels good, some people take it harder than others.
In fact, researchers Carol Dweck and Lauren Howe have been studying the responses of different people, noting their experiences and self-perception, after break-ups. Lauren Howe, in an article entitled Why Some People Take breakupsHarder Than Others, recalls an experiment in which participants were asked to recall a time “when they were rejected in a romantic context." The participants had to, then, write down what they learned from the experience. Those who felt that rejection was a result of personal deficits, reported that they experienced “prolonged distress” after the rejection. Rejection had caused their sense of self to falter and led many to question their identity. Other participants, however, were not so negatively impacted. In fact, some saw rejection as a moment that could lead to personal “growth." Many noted that their experience enabled them to set goals for the future, such as learning and practicing effective communication and expression.
The focus on personal growth fits with past research done by Carol Dweck. In the context of education, Dweck observed that different students responded to academic challenges in different ways. Students who felt that their ability was unchangeable, incapable of improving, panicked when confronted with a difficult academic task. On the other hand, students who had a “growth mindset," believing that they could improve with additional effort, persisted and persevered in the face of challenges.
No matter what the challenge may be, whether a breakup or tough exam, a “growth mindset” is effective in allowing one to adopt a hopeful perspective. The way we perceive events impacts our greater perception of the world and ourselves. Challenges come with an element of surprise, but do not have to lead to complete obscurity and distress.
By harnessing the motivation to learn, one can see each experience as a step in a journey toward greater knowledge and empowerment. Therefore, a break-up does not have to leave you in pieces. By focusing on personal growth, you can thrive and be whole.
