Precious one - I'm not changing your circumstances, because I'm using them to change you.

The gentle answer to all of my pleads and prayers for something different was not what I was hoping for.

I'm learning this lately - life means change and change is hard. And change means growth, and growth means growing pains.

I think our reaction tends to be to ask God to end the growing pains. But the growing pains are the good parts - they're the parts that make us look back in a little bit of time & think, "Look how far I've come."

I'm so quick to ask God to change something or someone. I'm quick to ask Him to turn something around or inflict my version of "justice," because it'll make me feel better.

I'm learning that He loves me too much to change my circumstances right when I ask. He's way too concerned that I'm a person of character. He's way too concerned that I learn to run to Him when I'm sad or hurt or lonely long before I run to anyone else. He's way too busy molding & shaping my heart into a reflection of Jesus to just up & change my circumstances. He's just too good of a Dad for that.

I first wrote these words when I was looking at the metaphorical rainbow at the end of the storm. And now, I'm revisiting them them, because my heart is so tempted to whisper, "Father, please just end this. I'm tired & the growing hurts."

My heart is impatient and stubborn and sometimes not very kind, so I don't like to be in these places of waiting or watching Him transform me. I want to skip to the good parts, where I can speak of the victories of His work in me - without having to experience the work in the first place.

So, my hope is that my heart continues to learn the prayer it really needs - "Your will be done, Your Kingdom come. Your will be done, Your Kingdom come. Your will be done, Your Kingdom come."