For a good amount of my life, I have struggled with my weight. I remember when I was younger, I always looked around at other girls my age and constantly compared myself. I would look in the mirror and mentally erase the things I absolutely hated about my body. It tore me apart knowing I was undoubtedly different from all the girls my age, who were all tall and thin. They didn’t have their thighs touching, or stretch marks on their belly when they wore a swimsuit. It broke my heart knowing that I was different. Although I was repeatedly told my family that I'm beautiful and perfect just the way I am, I needed to hear this from someone else or at least see it for myself.
Growing up I would distancing myself from the cute little clothing stores that all the other girls would shop at, because I was ashamed to be bigger than a size 12 in pants, or have an extra X in my shirt size, all because I was repeatedly told fat isn’t beautiful by my peers, but most importantly through advertisement of clothing stores. And being a young influential girl, some brands relayed messages that were specifically advertised for girls three times smaller than I was, and that certainly didn’t boost any self-confidence I had, if I had any left at this point. I was digging myself a hole, a hole of self-pity, and I couldn’t seem to stop digging.
Fashion has always been an essential part of my life. In a way, it's something I can relay myself creatively into the world. As I started to realize that I need to love who I am, clothing was an outlet to show myself that, yeah, you are beautiful in your own very way. You might not be a size two, but girl, you're 100 percent rocking what you're wearing. When I walk into a plus size clothing store, I feel reassured that I'm not the only person who has struggled with learning how to be body positive. Looking at the shirts is not the young girl who was ashamed, it's the young woman who is finally content with herself.
Eventually, I began to understand that today’s society is entangled with unattainable desires, and the world’s view of “beautiful” isn’t a reachable goal, but a self-goal one needs to discover on their own, even if it is through expressing yourself through clothing. Everyone is beautiful in their own unambiguous way. Although I looked at myself continuously in the mirror, being my number one hater, I realized that I was born this way, and I’m unique the way I am. Yes, weight, freckles, and stretch marks played an incredibly huge negative role in my life, but now I consider those thoughts as battle wounds from a battle I won myself – covered up with a cute off the shoulder top and ripped jeans, of course.
