Growing up is weird. Blowing out a candle every year, on the exact day you were born, marking the milestone of being one year older than the last cake that was set on the table just for you. When we are told at a young age to “celebrate life,” they don’t tell you about the litany of fears that come along with it. The changing of environments, friends, habits, passions; none of it is constant. A new year means amazing new things will be entering your life; however, so many things will be exiting it too. When I look back at my life exactly a year ago, I can count at least ten big things that have changed. Ranging from a healthy relationship turned strained, to a healthy relative turned ill, I am grappling with this idea of growing and learning that one day looks nothing like the day before it or after it.

Everyone tells me I’m crazy for feeling like I’m getting old, but I don’t think us 18 year olds get enough credit for how weird it is to transition into our last year of teenage-hood. Yeah, the transition into college life was also a big one, but how about learning to accept that you are no longer an adolescent anymore? The stunts and tricks we pulled a year ago, even five months ago, are slowly disintegrating, and we are growing closer to adulthood. We are getting closer to being viewed as real adults, to making our own livelihood, to starting our own lives, independent from our parents. We are reaching a new stage in life, full of responsibilities and expectations. It may seem trivial to some, but the thought of losing my youth is frightening to me. Not because of the independence and duties that come with it, but the scary things that don’t necessarily come to mind when you first think about it.

Growing up means seeing your parents grow old, and look different than they did 7 years ago. Growing up means job interviews, and more rejections than you anticipated. Growing up means applying to graduate school, and going through college all over again.Growing up means shopping for your own groceries. Growing up is learning how to be alone, and finding comfort in that. While I could go on, dwelling on the numerous daunting and disconcerting things that come with growing up, I decided that there is something really beautiful in aging. Growing up means finding someone you love enough to spend the rest of your life with them. Growing up means discovering new passions of yours that you never knew existed. Growing up means chasing after your dreams. Growing up means taking responsibility for your actions, and being respected for it. Growing up is learning from your mistakes. Growing up is creating a family and extending your love to people you brought into this world. Growing up is accepting that you can’t pause time or do anything in order to slow it down.

For those of you in the same boat as I am, I think you also know what I’m talking about when I say that it feels like time is passing way too fast. The fact that I am turning 19 in one week is surreal, considering I feel like I blew out the candles to my 13th birthday just yesterday. Between you and me, we need to be thankful that we have made it to today. We are constantly being presented new challenges and discovering incredible new findings, and it is important to be excited for whats to come. The future shouldn't be viewed as frightening. No matter how cliche it sounds, "carpe diem” is a concept we all should strive to live by. You should seize every day and make the most of the present, because right now is all we have. I shouldn't spend my time thinking about how fast life is passing, and I instead should be cherishing every moment before it becomes a distant memory. Every morning you wake up is a blessing and an opportunity to become an even better version of yourself than you were the day before. A life without growing older would be a boring one, one lacking any value or meaning. We are not programmed to be one dimensional characters in the world. There is a reason we are given a chance every day to change, grow, and improve. I hope to look back in 40 years and reflect on how much I have evolved into a woman I am proud of. That is what life is about.