Looking back at my adolescent years, I have come to realize how selfish I acted. I constantly put myself above others. My feelings always had to come before the other people in any situation, disagreement, or altercation. I always had to be right, to prove my point, to prove myself. I could never figure out why this behavior set in and took control of various relationships with family members and even, at times, friends. I thought I treated everyone around me like gold, but sitting here in deep reflection, I now know that was not always the case. My priorities were out of line. I was out of line, taking everything and everyone around me for granted. If I was writing this at age 16, I would try to think of an event that happened during this time to put all the blame on. Now I'm 22, writing this to study why and how I was so shallow. As I search endlessly for answers, all roads lead back to one.
It was the bitter divorce that broke my family, my heart, and my ability to treat others correctly. The weight of this event generated a rigid division within my family and myself. The wholeness I presented on the surface was crumbling inside of me. Every person has layers to them, but it is the deepest ones of which we are not exposed to. These are the layers we refuse to show the world. The layers of vulnerability in it's purest form. We conceal and protect these layers from everyone, and we won't expose them until we can learn how to trust again.
Sadly, I let this event strip me of my layers. I let it affect my every thought and move, so much that it interfered with relationships I held dearest to my heart. I would give parts of myself to the people who deserved my all. In turn, this growing weakness and lack of care only damaged me more. However, the most important lesson I took away from all of this, is that it's not about what happened to me, but how I responded to it. I let this adversity define me, maybe I even let it destroy me, but someday I learned how to let it strengthen me. And that day is today.
Finally, I grew into the person I was and am supposed to be. But not a part of me regrets the amount of time it took because sometimes adversities happen to change your view of the world and teach you to relish in the beauty of life. Maybe adversities happen to become a part of who you are, to set you up for something better. I know it did for me. But this is far from the end, I am growing every day, and will only continue to do so until I can't anymore.
