I imagine after reading the title of this entry, many might think the overall condonation of the piece would be a negative tone. However, when I look back at the surrounding factors of my childhood and where I have come to be today, I am extremely proud of myself; and thankful for my mother.
When I share my story to fellow peers, I am always extremely interested in their responses. I am more than open about my experiences growing up. The opinions of others do not really phase me at this point, because at an early age I was tested in more ways than most have been in their entire adult life.
When individuals hear myself and others talk about divorce, they are often quick to state, “time to get over it now”. Usually, these responses come from those with two parents, two parents that care about them, two parents that made sure they were financially stable their entire life. I on the other hand, came from one parent, one parent that did everything in her power to make sure that we never felt slighted, and we never were. I had more, and still have more than many people that inhabit this world.
Sparing personal details, my parents were divorced when I was an early teenager. It was not pretty, it was life changing, to the point where the actions carried out, and no one could really understand the lasting impact it could have on children. I have little, if any relationship with my father. We never talk about my feelings; I am not one to share how I feel. One of the many impacts of what I went through as a child, is I am completely shut off as an adult. However, I believe he clearly knows how I feel. I could never forgive him for every vivid horrible memory I have, memories that my siblings are probably luckily enough to not recall. So before you say to someone, “isn’t it time to stop using that as an excuse? Time to get over it now,” think to you what lasting impact situations could have on people.
One thing that is important to note, I don’t use my parent’s divorce as an excuse. I used it as motivation. There were times the situations I was put into and the people that disregarded my family with no regard for my heart made me question my worth. However, it was my mother, grandparents, extended family that stayed around that helped me to push forward.I do not use it as an excuse, I never have. At the time my grades were great, but I used my personal life as motivation to get even better. When I watched my mom financially struggle with a loss of an extra income, and at the same time be attacked by those she would have attacked for, something clicked. My mother along with my instincts embedded into my head from an early age, “never rely on anyone but yourself, you can be whoever you want and education is power.”
I went on to set goals for myself that consisted of a Master’s Degree, a black belt in Karate, a certified EMT-B, and various leadership roles. My circumstances are shaped by my actions and what I make of them. I fully pursued a career in psychology in order to help children. I forever wanted to help children going through the same situations I did. I don’t forgive anyone, but I feel sorry for those that didn’t stick around. They missed out on a great person. I am beyond funny, I give to others more than myself, and I have instilled in children the skills to overcome things I couldn’t. I took a horrible situation and made it my passion. The effects of what I went through will never leave my mind, but I am aware of them and I tried to work through them.
The point of writing this was to let those out there going through something similar know you are not alone. I vividly recall my mother one day sitting us all down and saying, “It’s going to get worse before it gets better, but one day it’s going to be better.” I remember at the time I couldn’t see the better she was desperately trying to help us imagine, but it came. The better will come for you as well. Take what hurts you, and make it your purpose. Sometimes the horrible parts of your life are there for you to make someone else's life better. I may never have the typical family, with a father that is involved in my life, or extended family that have been there, but I have amazing people in my life, some that I have chosen some that are family. I made my horrible parts of my childhood, my purpose for my adult life. No kids will ever have to feel the pain I did, and it’s thanks to what I went through that I am able to help others today.
