I Am Learning To Grow Without Feeling Shame About My Flaws
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I Am Learning To Grow Without Feeling Shame About My Flaws

How do I reconcile being imperfect and needing to grow with being perfectly loved?

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growing, growth, self-grace

How do you acknowledge your shortcomings, the things you need to work on, with grace? Without falling into shame?

I am learning. I hope.

Shame would attempt to destroy us and our growth. It's so ugly. It bends and breaks us in all the wrong ways. It convinces us to pit ourselves against ourselves, and even against the truth of love.

I would like to say that I am open to growth. And I am— I love it. I love learning more about myself, the world, and the LORD, and growing in mind and heart. I love assessing the person I am becoming and seeing all the buds and shoots that are growing out of this little sprout of a tree.

It is also incredibly difficult and painful for me to recognize the spots within myself where the sun doesn't seem to shine yet. And I'm not saying this in a way that degrades who I am as a light-filled creation.

But it's true. There are dark things about me. There are dark things about all of us. Some might call that sin, that which hurts our relationship with God.

I can be prideful. I can be very jealous. I can be judgmental in terrible ways. I can be impatient. I can be selfish. I can be dishonest. I can break promises.

I am purposefully saying I can be these things because they aren't who I am. I am not defined by any characteristic or action. But the dark things about me are extremely hurtful, both to myself and to others, and to be short, that sucks. It's not okay.

However, it's certainly okay to be human, because that's what I am, and that's beautiful. How do I reconcile this, then?

How do I confess these dark things without dwelling in their pit? How do I revel in the opportunity to grow instead of sloshing straight into a thickening pool of self-shame?

I suppose it has everything to do with grace.

I suppose, right now, I am learning to wholeheartedly believe in the power and truth of that grace.

The grace of a God who loves without a single second thought. The grace of a Love that doesn't need me to be perfect. The grace of a Heart that beats to make me whole, that delights in the process of my healing and learning and growth.

Shame, in all its contempt, would like to turn the dark things against me. Would like me to curl into its lying arms and stay there, agonizing over every fault and mistake.

And I refuse. I refuse to succumb to the lies. God is overjoyed to fill the dark places with light. Instead of letting the dark things consume me, I will let them teach me more about light.

I will let the darkness move me to understand Light in a more intimate and loving way. I will try to let God turn the tables on sin, to move me closer to Love.

I very deeply pray that the lies I believe in break away, bit by bit, or all at once. The lies are flimsy. The Truth is solid. Jesus is with us all.

May we all believe in the beauty and power of grace to lift us out of shame and into the greatest love of all.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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