Strutting down the aisles of H&M with an abundance of hangers in hand, I confidently asked for a changing room.
“How many?”
“Eight, please.”
I carefully hung the clothes on the rack and scanned my potential options. My interview was four days away, and I was in desperate need of professional attire to make a memorable impression on my future employers. I first tried on a white blouse with a black blazer and a conservative pencil skirt. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I was overwhelmed with exhilaration. At this moment in time, I wanted to grow up. I wanted to feel important. And I wanted to have a voice in the world.
Something about picking out one-inch pointed black heels with the perfect matching handbag gave me the chills. I was seething with excitement. Shoulders back with my head held high, I confidently handed the lady at the register my debit card. I pursed my lips and walked out of the store with pride. I was now a grown woman.
I’ll admit my fairy tale soon was short lived as I walked into my room. Dreadfully staring at the glow-in-the dark butterflies on my ceiling and a painted portrait of Lizzie McGuire above my bed, my dream world of adulthood quickly came crashing down. Disgusted with my adolescent themed room, I plopped onto my bed and ironically grabbed on to my Pooh Bear blanket. Was I really ready for the real world? I didn’t have a definite answer anymore. I felt comfortable living in the past. I felt at ease when I came home from college to mom’s home-cooked meals. I felt content with sleeping until 11 a.m. in summer and not having a job.
Truth is, I am in limbo right now—a state of uncertainty. I am not sure who I am supposed to be or how I am supposed to feel. Am I expected to be serious and never have fun anymore? Or is it time to throw away the Pooh Bear blanket and move forward with my desired ambitions? I am only 19—but then again, I am 19. This age is at the very brink of early morning meetings and consistent coffee runs, but it is also clinging on to youth and reckless impulse decisions.
But what happens when there is a “No U-turn” sign and I can’t turn around? What happens when I am stuck in reality without an escape plan? This haunting thought has become one of my most unanticipated fears. But I have come to terms with God’s plan and his engineering of us as humans. We are designed to adapt to change. We are wired to adjust to situations and the different adversities we are confronted with.
That is the beauty of life. It is constantly changing, and we constantly left unaware of our future.
