I read in a book for a psychology class once that one should stop feeling serious, crushing grief that causes feelings of depression and the like after about a month (maybe two or three).
Well… I’m calling B.S.
Don’t you ever think that you can stick a timeline on something like grieving a loss. There are so many factors that make the process different for everyone. This is why I find the idea of slapping a concrete timeline on the grieving process outrageous. As much as we fight the “people are unique snowflakes” theory, that is pretty much the case. Everyone is different; no two people are exactly the same. The grieving process is not universal. Someone who lost a current friend is not going to go through the same experience as someone who lost a friend from their school years.
Don’t even assume that two people who have lost the same relative or friend will react the same way. Like I said, so many different variables go into it: your relationship with the individual, the manner and time of which the person passed, the support system you had-- the list could go on and on.
So, clearly I am writing this because this is something personal. I lost my Pap in October, and I can say with the utmost assurance that it is the most disgustingly horrible pain I have ever felt. Much to the dismay and confusion of some around me, this pain is far from gone. I will likely feel it for the rest of my life.
Coming home from school and seeing my family regularly now, it still feels so wrong that he isn’t here. I still expect to round a corner and see him sitting in his chair watching crime shows. I still search for his face when my mom or my gram starts nagging, so we can lock eyes, shake our heads, and give each other those knowing smirks. But he isn’t here. I’m still sad; I’m still angry.
Let me feel it.
Everyone is entitled to grieving on their own terms. Some people move on within a couple weeks. I don’t quite understand it… but it happens. That’s how they deal with pain. That is their timeline. Others need lots of time to process and grieve a loss. That is their timeline.
Some people feel unimaginable sadness. They wake up each day with a heaviness in their heart that feels like it may never lift. Their sadness is not abnormal; they are not abnormal. Some people manifest their grief in anger. They are mad that their loved one is not here-- that’s okay. You cannot just wish for a person to “get better.”
For you it might be over; you’ve set the grief behind you and are ready to live your life. For others-- for me-- it will never be over.
