Jewish mothers are one of a kind. They are overbearing, loud, and hilarious. Growing up in a town that is predominantly Jewish, I have seen it all.
Some of these mothers are crazy, and when I say crazy... I mean CRAZY! These are just a few things that come to my mind when I think of my very own, Jewish mother.
1. She sees at least five people she knows everywhere she goes.
Everywhere I go with my mom, I know that it will be hours before we are finished because my mother seems to always see somebody she knows. Whether we are at the supermarket, the mall, or even the doctor's office, there is always a 30-minutes exchange between my mother and a friend.
Although I applaud her for having more friends than I do, this can be especially annoying when your phone is on 20%, you have an exam the next day, and all you went to the supermarket for was milk but you end up being there for an hour.
2. She will let you stay home from school if you say you have a headache.
Growing up, my mother was an extreme worrier, especially when it regarded my health. If I'm being honest, I used this to my advantage and would sometimes exaggerate my symptoms so my mom would let me stay home from school.
Although sometimes I actually am sick, I also needed a break from the stress of 5th grade from time to time. Some could say I was the girl who cried sick, but in reality who wouldn't want to stay home and relax every once in a while?
3. She uses words like "schlep," "schmutz," "schmuck," and "schvitz."
To some, these words may sound like complete gibberish. But, growing up in a Jewish household I heard these words at least once a day. Considering they are not dictionary words, I think it is funny that they are used so often in my house.
An example of what my mother might say is "You're going to schlep all the way over there? It's so out I'm already schvitzing. You look like a schmuck with the schmutz on your face". Obviously I have inherited these words from my mom and sometimes when I say them to my friends they look at me like I'm crazy.
4. She knows the staff at your local deli as if they were her second family
Every time I walk into Bagel Works, my mom is instantly greeted with glistening smiles and sometimes even hugs.The staff knows almost everything about her from her current relationship status to where she was last weekend.
My mom has been going to this same deli for years and considers the staff to be her second family. She is on a first name basis with everyone, and I wouldn't be surprised if she came in one day and her order was already prepared for her at the counter.
5. She planned your Bar/Bat-mitzvah as if it was her wedding
The 7th grade can be a stressful time because your body, friends, and schools are changing. What makes it even more stressful is planning a massive party in between all of that. My mother was constantly on the phone with caterers and event coordinators using every bone in the body to make my party perfect.
Although I'm thankful for an amazing bat-mitzvah, my mom also peaked to reward herself for all the hard work and effort that was put into the party. Once the party was over, the chaos in my house settled down and the dinner conversations shifted from event details to normal, everyday conversation. She was finally able to relax again.
6. She always makes you noodles and cottage cheese
Although this dinner was not sushi at Nobu or steak at New York Prime, I still cherished every bite. This one was of my favorite meals growing up and would probably be excited to eat it to this very day.
On the days my mom did not want to slave away in the kitchen, she was able to concoct this perfect meal that literally took about 10 minutes. It's delicious and cheesy and the perfect dinner for being at home.
7. She slapped you when you got your period
My mother has never hit me a day in her life but when I came to her saying I got my period, she slapped me in the face. Obviously, I was taken by surprise but she later told me it was a Jewish tradition when girls get their period for the first time.
I always thought that becoming a woman in the Jewish tradition meant having a bat-mitzvah but apparently it is when you start bleeding out of your lady parts as well! My mother jumped for joy when I first got it... She was a little too excited.
My mom is filled with her own little quirks that make her unique, but these are just some of the countless shenanigans that almost all Jewish mothers do. They are loud, constantly worried, and overly friendly, but I'm almost certain that when I have my own kids I will be the same exact way.
