Everyone knows Shrek to be this big, ugly ogre. Little do people see that a lot of millennials like me grew up with the some of the same traits and qualities as the big ol' green onion.
1. My ultimate dream is to live where no one can bother me.
Shrek's swamp is a paradise for the adult introvert. Quiet, lonely, and surrounded by "beautiful architecture." 
2. Food is my main priority.
"Weed rat stew," "swamp toad soup," "fish eye tartar:" yum.
3. I don't like to be disturbed.
Shrek is very particular about keeping his swamp free of creatures of any kind. Just as I'm very particular about keeping my room open to me, my roommate, and Netflix.
4. I don't like very many people, but people seem to like me.
Shrek HATES everyone, but who loves Shrek more than Donkey?
5. I'm always down to go on an adventure, of any kind.
It's funny when you get older and realize that the Shrek series is a constant journey of him trying to get back to his swamp.
6. I'm really not one for "societal rules."
Shrek is definitely an example of going against the societal norm. Not too many people I know can make candles out of earwax or break a mirror with one look (oh wait, I can do that last one..).
7. Like me, his whole life is a conspiracy.
I absolutely adore conspiracy theories, almost as much as I adore the Shrek series. So much so that I trust nothing and no one anymore. Nothing is as it seems, EVER. The main conspiracy about Shrek is that he caused all the other ogres to die. Let me explain:
In Shrek 1-3, the only ogres you EVER see are Shrek and Fiona. Then in Shrek 4, the audience is brought into an alternate reality with the cast. In this alternate reality, there are hundreds of ogres. But, Shrek himself was never born.
Therefore Shrek's birth caused a mass genocide of his species.
CONSPIRACY.
So next time you sit down to marathon the Shrek series (like I do at least once a week), think about it. You're really watching a movie about yourself. MOVIE-CEPTION.
