I have my own issues with celebrating Thanksgiving as it ultimately celebrates the dehumanization and conquest of Indigenous peoples. It isn't something to be proud of. That being said, getting the entire family into one room to be thankful for one another and eat good food, is an accomplishment. The king of these foods is the gravy-for obvious reasons. The gravy spices up the entire meal and can (read: should) be put on every side dish including the turkey which has hailed as holiday mealtime royalty for far too long. So here's how good each Thanksgiving food item is, based on how well it gets gravy into our gluttonous mouths.
Corn
Corn comes first in this article as the last place winner for foods that transport gravy to where it belongs- my body. It has no structure and as delicious as it is when swimming in gravy, it's ineffective at best.
Green Bean Casserole
The center of any white peoples' holiday gathering, green bean casserole provides a bit more of the necessary structure to effectively get gravy to the goal. Delicious but still not super useful.
Macaroni and Cheese
Again, delicious with or without gravy. Packs a little more of a punch in terms of viscosity and does well handling the gravy. But we can do better.
Turkey
The snide, domineering main attraction of Thanksgiving. But what do you do when Grandma is getting older and forgot to take it out until a few hours too late? You slather that dry bird in GRAVY. Moist or not, why bother consuming turkey without a splash of that sweet, sweet gravy.
Rolls
Okay yes BREAD. The only problem with bread is once you dip it in that gravy goodness and go to town, it's filling. If you're full of bread, there's less room for gravy.
Mashed Potatoes
The old, tried, and true of gravy transit. It does the job and it does it damn well. Have you ever met a potato that let you down? Me either.
Stuffing
The number one, unsung hero of the holidays. I'm not even totally sure what all goes into stuffing, I just know it's delicious. But once you get that gravy on it...unstoppable.
Cranberry sauce is not included on this list because I love myself and do not recognize it as a valid food and/or mode of gravy transportation.
