To My Mental Illnesses, I'm Actually Grateful For You

To My Mental Illnesses, I'm Actually Grateful For You

I'm strong, brave, and dedicated to creating a change.
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Living with you has been more difficult than I could have ever imagined. It's as if you wait to strike until I'm at my lowest, knocking me out and kicking me while I'm down. In the past few years, I have experienced thoughts and feelings that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

And yet... this struggle has brought tremendous growth, and I am grateful to you, my mental illnesses, for being a part of my story.

There's been so much pain. But there’s also been a reduction in my suffering as I’ve started to work through these feelings and experiences, instead of avoiding and ignoring them.

It has been harder than anything I've ever done. And it’s shown me how strong I am and that I can conquer anything.

There have been days where I’ve wanted just to give up and give in to every urge and behavior because it would have been “easier.” And each of the times I persevered has shown me how brave I am in the face of adversity.

Yes, there have been relationships loved and lost due to people not getting it or not wanting to. But I have also been introduced to incredible souls that I would have missed out on if I hadn’t begun recovery.

There have been experiences and opportunities I've missed out on because I was struggling. But deciding to recover has given me so many more chances at greatness that I would never have had otherwise.

Yes, I do get frustrated and disappointed and feel so low and hopeless I could scream. And I can also recognize the wonderful gifts that having mental illnesses have brought me. I can hold them together, and realize they can both exist in the same space.

It is so easy to resent the things I can’t change–my brain chemistry, my genes, the environment… whatever it is that could have caused you, my mental illnesses, to come into my life and stick around. It's too easy to get wrapped up in the "life is unfair, why me?!" mentality.












And it’s important to not stay too stuck in that mindset. The best way I’ve clawed myself out of the dark places has been to try to acknowledge the positive. The more I’ve done this, the better I’ve felt, even if it’s only temporary.

And so, yes, I would say that I am grateful for my situation, especially when it’s the hardest. I can confidently say that I have grown and changed for the better in the process of recovery. My life is certainly different than it was pre-mental illness or pre-recovery, and for that I am grateful.

I am strong, brave, and dedicated to creating a change, not just in my life but the lives of others. I am no longer afraid of hard times or the painful stuff. I have become a better person, and I couldn’t be more thankful for you, mental illness, for changing my life so much along the way.




Cover Image Credit: SONAH Photography

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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views

Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Dreading This Day All About Love

Valentines day blues

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I have never enjoyed Valentine's Day.

Even if when I was in a relationship it was just an awkward day of "hey I love you, give me gifts and lets make out." But this year, I am just not feeling this thing at all. Since the relationship ended last June I have just been dreading the time when February came, because you know that on the 14th you are going to see all these love post and all us singles are like "welp this is just not my day.", and honestly you feel defeated. I personally asked other singles friends (like the three I have) if they wanted to come and watch Netflix with me and dread the day, but sadly they either had school or work. So here is my plan of getting though this day of love:

NETFLIX

Yes Netflix how else am I supposed to get through this day? Usually I have Greys Anatomy playing all the time but that has love in it, and I am not in the mood for that. My plan is to watch all the crime shows I can because watching TV crime series or documentary about serial killers just seems perfect for the 14th.

SLEEP

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Yes sleeping. I don't have anywhere I need to be why not catch up on some zzz's

CHOCOLATE

Yes I am going to eat my feelings with chocolate because why not? if I could I would get a giant slice of cake and live off that on the 14th but sadly I am stuck with the normal Heresy's chocolate and Reeses which will do their job.

CATS

me :)

This is my wonderful cat Kimber and she will be my partner in crime on the 14th. She will sleep, snuggle, cuddle, all day with me because I need that moral support of my fluffy cat.

BOOKS

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If I am able to fit reading a book into my schedule of everything listed above then reading will go into that open spot. I always loved reading but with school it is hard to find the time to read for enjoyment. so this day will be the perfect day.


This is my plan for the 14th of February and hopefully this will help me get though this dreadful day. And if you are also single try this out :)

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