As move-in day at good ole FDU approaches and my summer of binge watching the entire series of Gossip Girl unfortunately comes to an end, I couldn’t help thinking what if the Upper East Siders attended FDU. Obviously, take away their unfair amount of wealth and luxury we wish we all had and imagine if there was any desire that any of them would actually want to attend FDU. These would be the buildings each of them would stay in and would make the most sense living in. (Unlike the actual residents attending this year—thanks, housing.):
The Twomblys
Being the babies that they are, it would only be right for Jenny Humphrey and Eric Van Der Woodson to live in these dorms. They are the youngest of the GG crew and rightfully should serve their time dealing with the hell that is community bathrooms everyone else had to endure in their younger years.
Little J would be in Hamilton, not only because I lived in Hamilton and loved season one Jenny Humphrey and am completely biased because I wanted to be her (or maybe I’m subconsciously saying I’m a crazed crack whore who’s gone off the deep end like the Little J we all loved to hate in the following seasons), ANYWAY, it’s because her love of wanting to fit in with all the upperclassmen. Being in Hamilton you have the mindset that you’re a cool froshie (not a regular froshie) because you’re close to Rutherford AND the Village, but when it all comes down to it you’re still a little baby freshman just like Little J. Eric would then be in Florence, don't ask me why, he’s just definitely a Florence boy.
Rutherford
The newest (and cleanest) of the dorms goes to the Queen and “It” Girl. Maybe I’m being biased again because I’m living here this year and who wouldn’t want to compare their self-worth to that of Blair and Serena, but could you really imagine them living anywhere else on campus??? Ok, maybe Serena in Park, back in her party years, but the Blair Waldorf would most definitely not.
Blair would stay on the fourth floor East Wing, because she’s the queen of the UPPER (Fourth floor) EAST SIDE (East Wing). See what I did there. Her room would have a view of the Rutherford lawn so she can keep an eye on her minions (freshman) at all times.
Serena, on the other hand, would stay somewhere in the West Wing, but she probably wouldn’t be sleeping in her own room many of the nights, realistically speaking.
The Village
The village is essentially the slums of the residency FDU has to offer on campus. It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. The village, according to my Big (a very reliable source), was originally built as temporary housing. FDU got sooooo popular so they kept the buildings as permanent housing. Since they were supposed to be temporary, the buildings you could say aren’t in the best of conditions.
Anyway, back to the reason you’re interested in this article, who else would be a better fit for the slums other than Brooklyn’s finest Dan and Vanessa. For the Upper East Siders venturing all the way to scary rundown Brooklyn is nothing short of the same fear all other residents have in needing to go to that part of campus. The village is a perfect spot for Vanessa to tape her documentaries and Humphrey to hide away from society and write. No one would ever willingly go to the village, giving him no fear of being caught as the one and only Gossip Girl.
(I still think it was Dorota.)
Park Ave
You’ve probably figured it out by now who would live here, either by process of elimination or just common sense, no other than the two heartthrobs Chuck Bass and Nate Archibald. Every single person on campus wants Park Ave just as every single living specimen with eyes wants Chuck and Nate. Yes, boys included because they want to be them, and us girls want to be on them.
Other than the high demand of these two hotties and Park Ave, it is only appropriate to put these two partygoers here. Chuck Bass can throw a rager like no other and while they were clearly underage throwing such crazy parties, they’ll fit in well with the rest of the underage students taking up most of park this year (ha ha ha ha ha ha – inside FDU housing joke).
The Mansion
Yes I know this isn’t a dorm, but let’s be realistic if the Chuck Bass and the Blair Waldorf ever attended FDU by senior year they both would be living here. The entire Mansion would be theirs someway somehow through all their manipulating and scheming. In the end every Queen needs her castle… well Mansion in this case.
There you have it my fellow devils, a completely accurate, unbiased, legitimate assigning of housing for our favorite Upper East Siders at our oh so favorite school.
Xoxo Resident Girl
P.S. If you’re offended by anything I said about where you’re living this year sorry I’m not sorry because we all know you probably didn’t want to live there anyway.
