Note: the following is satire.
According to sources, Binghamton dining halls will make a special appearance on a school-themed season of "Kitchen Nightmares." Hosted by famous chef, Gordon Ramsay, the show focuses on examining failing restaurants in an attempt to turn their business model and food quality around before they go bankrupt. Gordon Ramsay's experience at Binghamton (whose food is catered by Sodexo) will serve as the season premiere on an entire season dedicated to revitalizing notorious college kitchens. Binghamton will be featured on a two-hour special, with each of its dining halls receiving its own mini episode.
“You know, we were considering this idea for a while, and I saw all of the statuses and Bing-U secrets posted about how terrible the food is,” Ramsay said in a public statement. “And I thought -- hey, why not try to reach out to a younger audience?”
Sodexo management has mixed feelings about the venture. Despite local management insisting that students love their food, Sodexo headquarters is still pushing for the show.
“We have these QR codes for the college students to scan to fill out reviews!” stated a local Sodexo employee. “While for some reason we only get a couple of reviews a year, all of them are positive.”
Upon reaching Sodexo international for comment, all they had to say was, “Any publicity is good publicity. If other schools see how cheaply we make our food, they will go like, ‘Hey, they could save us a ton of money!’ It’s not like students have a choice when we force them to get meal plans.”
At first, Binghamton students were apprehensive about the criticism Ramsay's special would draw to their university. As of today, though, there are over 5,000 student signatures in support of featuring Binghamton on the show.
“At first I didn’t want to hurt Sodexo, but firing Mein Bowl Mary was the last straw,” one student said.
The student who started the petition had this to say: “I’m tired of signing signatures telling the government to stop spying on us, or urging an end to police brutality. I finally wanted to start something that people could get behind!”
On a lighter note, students are excited about the arrival of such a respected chef. Questionable streaming sites have shown an incredible increase in traffic for Gordon Ramsay’s shows, as of late.
Adam Tuller, a Binghamton Senior majoring in film, is especially excited for his arrival. “I took a cooking class while I was studying abroad, so I’m pretty sure I could f*#$ his day up. He’ll be running back to his momma with his spatula between his legs.”
For now, this event is a waiting game. It is rumored that before his shows, Ramsay surprises the kitchens he visits in order to receive in authentic experience. People believe he will be showing up Halloween weekend while students are in costume.
Update: Gordon Ramsay, after visiting Binghamton, has decided not to feature the university on the show. In a press conference, he had this to say: “Honestly, I thought the chicken pot pie was pretty good!”
