To my ex-muse,
Being angry about the way I was treated by you, I had so much to write about. I could write for days about how you are the reason I cannot accept endearment. I wrote about all the times you would manipulate me, but keep me a secret. I wrote about how you were the beginning and the end, but I don't do that anymore. I don't have anything left to say about you, about us. I lost the thing that I hated the most, but kept me the most poetic, you.
We were together on and off two years. I never told anyone our business, and you didn't either. I honestly believe that is the reason we were so unsuccessful. Nobody knew anything about us, and that was just the way you liked it, but you did things to make me think that it didn't matter, but it did. Keeping us quiet was what you wanted, and because of that, we ended.
But this is not an article of me redeclaring statements already made about how much I hate you. Instead, this is me saying my final goodbye about writing our lives. We have both moved on. You are with a girlfriend of a year or so (I don't really keep tabs on you), and I have created something for myself. I have challenged myself to become the best me possible, and by doing so, I have left whatever we were behind.
I no longer feel the pain you once caused. I no longer feel uneasy at the thought of me spending time with another guy. I no longer feel afraid.
I know these probably weren't your intentions. You did not think that everything hidden would create such a sense of panic within me, but it did. I do not want you to feel guilty, but I hope this helps you understand.
You were toxic to me, but toxic people aren't always bad, but sometimes they just weren't meant to match you. I am sure somewhere inside, a part of you I didn't know, you really did care about me. Just not enough to let anyone else know. Though the actuality of our relationship was not okay, it is okay that we were not meant to be, even though it hurt me more than you.
In the end, thank you for being my muse of four years. I have created great work because of you, but this has to our goodbye.
Sincerely,
Me, but without you.
