Dear Dorm Hall Showers,
As much as you are necessary in keeping me a nice smelling person, I hate you. It comes from the bottom of my heart when I say I am not sorry to say that I will not miss you. There are a few reasons why I hate you and why I will not miss you. Actually, not a few, A LOT.
1. You are never ever clean.
There is always some kind of substance whether it be someones shaving cream, shampoo, an old bandaid or makeup wipe. It is disgusting and I don't know how I ever feel clean leaving you. I will not miss walking into you and always expecting to see the worst.
2. People use you as a bathroom.
I will never ever miss showering, feeling all clean and then someone has the nerve to pee in the stall next to you. SO GROSS. There are toilets literally four steps away and people feel the need to relieve themselves while you are showering right next to them.
3. Your walls are not clean.
If I so much as touch you with my elbow I need to start my shower all over again. Let alone if I lose my balance and my butt touches you, I might as well burn my whole body.
4. Everything gets soaked.
I will not miss putting my shower caddy down and having everything in it get drenched as if it were placed under Niagara Falls. Then, you have to drag it back to your room as it's dripping wet and then your dorm room floor gets wet. It's a never ending cycle and I will not miss it.
5. Your floor is not clean.
You make me wear shower shoes because if I dared to step barefoot in you, I would catch all of the diseases in the world. Shower shoes are the worst and accidentally touching the bottom of them is enough to make you gag.
6. People feel the need to play their music in you.
While I play my music in you all the time there is nothing worse than getting in the shower only to hear someone else's music. Especially when it's a song you hate.
7. You're never there when I need you.
Okay so this happens all the time. I'm in a rush to get somewhere and I need to shower. OF COURSE, you're never open when I need you. Someone else is taking their good ol' time in you and I have to sit in my room, naked, waiting for you.
So dorm showers, I hope you can understand why I will not miss you. It's not me, it's clearly you. Goodbye, and I hope to see you never.
Not with love,
The student who lives in a dorm.
