Goodbye Dad

I remember my childhood so vividly. My real dad would call and say he was coming to get me. All that week I would be so excited telling all my friends that my real dad was coming so I couldn't do anything thay weekend and I would sit by that front door from the time I got off the bus on Friday afternoon until I was put in my bed by my daddy (step) after crying myself to sleep because my real dad didn't show up. The same cycle would repeat on Saturday and Sunday. Come Monday I had to go to school and say my real dad didn't come. It broke my soul. Then I seen my real dad raising his other children and began wondering why I wasn't good enough for him. For years I would reach out and beg for him to be a part of my life and receive promise that we're never followed through with. I never gave up hope. I kept pushing. Then his wife died and he started to come around. Then my daddy died a few years later and my real dad was there for. My hope turned into excitement and I did something that I had never done. I let my guard down for my real dad he became just Daddy for the first time in my life. But low and behold he married again and poof there he went. This time it shattered my heart. For years I blamed my step mom for him not being a part of my life but now I realize yes she may have had a little to do with it but it was his choice. I can't blame her this time because she is no longer living so who's fault is it now? Yep HIS.

However I am thankful for the 8 years he was in my life this time because it taught me that I was never a priority to him and I was only good for him when it was convenient and he needed something. It also made me so thankful for the DADDY I did have! The one that CHOSE to love me and treat me as his own when he didn't have to!! The one that showed me unconditional love and was always there for me even if he didn't agree with my choices. The one who NEVER turned his back on me!!! The one who made me the person I am today!! The one who taught me to not take any bullshit from anyone. The one that at times I take after a little to much with my no filter mouth. He even pushed for me to have a relationship with my real father. That ladies and gentlemen is a REAL DADDY! He never made me question his love and loyalty to me!!!

So to that so call real dad. I hope you have an amazing life!!! You chose to turn your back on me yet again. You chose this not I!! I wanted nothing more than to be your daughter.