Dear Boston,
It’s not you, it’s me. These last two and a half years have been amazing—more than I could ever have dreamed of, but I think we need some time apart. They say absence makes the heart grow founder, and I think this distance will do just that. I want you to know I’ll be visiting many new cities these next few months, beautiful ones in fact, but please don’t be jealous. None of them could ever replace what we have. But before I jet off to Europe, here are the top seven things that low key pissed me off about you (but babe can't say you weren't worth it):
1. Your bat shit driving
Whether I’m cruising down Storrow Drive or Comm Ave, I am constantly (and literally) at the edge of my seat. The drivers here are ruthless. Often, I use this anxiety-ridden time to shut my eyes and think positive thoughts, utilizing my yoga breaths so I don’t break out into a panic attack. You taught me that composure, Beantown.
2. Your unpredictable T
Maybe the most inefficient train on the planet, and one of the oldest, this historic form of transportation is so unpredictable that I’m never quite sure what to expect. I usually end up crying in the rain and snow while my hand clutches onto an umbrella in hopes for a T that sure as hell isn’t coming. As I surrender to requesting an Uber with a surge charge of “2X,” your green vision appears from the horizons—not all heroes wear capes.
3. Your even more unpredictable weather
It’s November—the weather man (my iPhone app) says it's going to be 40 degrees and cloudy skies. I know exactly the outfit to wear. Because you require not one, but several different coats to accommodate your perpetually changing seasons, I throw on my “medium warm” jacket to walk to class. Ten minutes in, I feel the sun beaming down in a way akin to a summer’s day. I’m sweating bullets by the time I slip into lecture. What I’ve learned? Layers. Layers are your best friend in this city.
4. Your awful sushi, but unreal bagels
Okay, So I’m not from New Jersey or New York (so do I really know anything about bagels) but what I do know is that where I come from (the midwest), the bagels are not really bagels but skinny, flat pieces of bread that try to disguise themselves as bagels (unsuccessfully may I add). Boston, if there's one thing I know for sure it's that I'll miss your expansive offerings of doughy deliciousness regardless of your crappy sushi.
5. Your exclusive population of females and gay men
While I have never had this many friends in my life, I have to say the dating scene here is less than sub-par. Straight males have the cream of the crop while straight girls often have to pick from leftover scraps. The amount of times I’ve questionably been into a gay guy is more times than I can count, though I have to say I’m never dissatisfied with your influx of foreign men.
6. Your 2 a.m. curfew
For grandmas like me who worship their sleep, this early curfew doesn’t sound all too bad. But for most people, this cut off is a buzz kill. The peak of the night, and one's alcohol intake, usually isn’t until after 12 a.m. So by the time you're feeling the night (and yourself), it’s last call at the bar and time to hit up a booty call.
7. Your overpriced everything
I get it. It’s that “east coast bias,” but sometimes I’m not down to pay triple the amount for a coffee just because I’m in close proximity to the Atlantic Ocean. Your narrow, cramped spaces make land high in demand and thus crazy expensive. But on the real, your quaint charm and strong spirit is worth every annoyance and cent—and I'll be longing for you (the good and the bad) in no time.
