Not Going To The Same School As My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship

Not Going To The Same School As My Boyfriend Actually Strengthened Our Relationship

That's what you do when you love someone - you never give up, no matter what the circumstance is.
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"How'd you meet your boyfriend?"

"One day, we passed each other in the hallway at school. Our eyes met, and it was love at first sight..."

Yeah, yeah, we get it. High school sweethearts can sometimes be disgusting quite honestly. Students and faculty have absolutely no interest in witnessing any kind of PDA from those clingy couples. It's almost as if they're attached to one another and physically can't let go. No. One. Wants. To. See. That. Get a room.

Now, if you're like me, you've never had this problem at school. I met my boyfriend at church, and we began dating my freshman year. My boyfriend, Xavier, is a year older than me, which meant it was his sophomore year. He went to public school, whereas I attended a very small Christian school.

The first year of the relationship was tough simply because neither of us could drive. I didn't see him at school, and I saw him at church two times a week. If we wanted to hang out any other time, our parents would have to drive us.

Eventually, he got his license. We saw each other a lot more after that, but it was still outside of school. Xavier graduated in 2017, and he now attends Auburn University. From where I live right now, that's three hours away. "HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY MAKE THAT WORK? You're still in high school!" Yes, yes I am. However, we make it work because we have this thing called commitment.

The transition from Xavier being in high school to him being in college was a little rocky, but it's not like I was accustomed to seeing him all the time. The time we spent together cut down from weekdays after school and weekends to just the weekends when he came home. That was tough on me, but it made us appreciate our time together so much more.

I'll be attending Jacksonville State University in the fall, which is two hours from Auburn. It's an improvement, but it's still a long drive. Xavier and I will continue our relationship despite the distance.

Why? I don't want anyone else.

I love this quote by Emily Bronte, the author of Wuthering Heights: "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” Xavier and I share the same passions, and we both serve a mighty God who brought us together when we least expected it. Why would I ever give up on something so incredible, especially when so much time has been invested?

Someone might wonder, "What's the point of dating someone if you don't get to see them much?" Don't get me wrong-- quality time is important. However, I choose quality over quantity. Xavier is one of a kind, and I don't mind only seeing him only on weekends during the school year as long as I can call him mine.

Attending different schools has really helped our relationship in many aspects. When he left for Auburn, it wasn't like my world was crashing down. I was already accustomed to seeing him sometimes, not all the time. Our communication has improved tremendously over the years. We choose to focus on the positives rather than dwell on the negatives. We've learned how important trust is, especially with going to different schools.

Most importantly, going to different schools allowed us to establish our own personal identities. We weren't known as "that clingy couple at school."

I was Madison, and he was Xavier.

So many couples tend to lose their individual identities and develop a joint identity. Never allow yourself and your significant other to develop a joint identity-- your individual identity is far too valuable. I've really grown as a person over the last four years, and it's because I established my own personal identity.

Xavier has been with me every step of the way, and I'm so grateful for him. Our relationship is solid because we choose to embrace the challenges of attending different schools. That's what you do when you love someone - you never give up, no matter what the circumstance is.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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To The Girl Who's Still Crying Over the Guy She Never Dated

We've all been there, you never really dated but you might as well have...
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We’ve all been there. Every single one of us. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have been where you are; so let me just say, you’re not alone. No matter if your friends are the best people in the world, I’m sure they’ve had enough of your sadness over a boy who you were never really with. But that’s what’s scary, it feels like you were together. No matter the amount of time, maybe a month, maybe a year, no matter what, you had enough time to gain feelings for another person and be vulnerable; and that in itself is a tough pill to swallow. Now, the one person you thought would never hurt you, did just what they promised they wouldn’t do, and now you’re left putting the pieces of your life back together.

Enough of the sappy stuff. Let me tell you that life goes on. Whether over a boy, or a grade, or whatever it is, I have always told my friends, “You’re going to make it to tomorrow.” And although it seems like the hardest feat you’ve ever endured, you are going to make it to tomorrow. And then, you’re going to make it to the next day. So it may seem that the day you end things with the boy you thought you were going to be with, is the worst day in the world, you are going to make it to tomorrow.

But even though you are going to make it to tomorrow, that doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be afraid or feel weird going to the bar you once loved, or the restaurant you guys would go to a lot, or the most common place to study on campus, in fear of seeing him. All of those feelings of uncertainty are totally normal, and in time, it will fade.

My friend once told me, this too shall pass.

So while you’re sad, or crying, or complaining about this boy, your friends might be telling you, “Get over it, you were never really together.” But I promise, it may take a while (seemingly forever), and as hard as it may be to believe right now, you will make it to tomorrow, and this too shall pass. Remember that.

With love from,

The girl who knows what it's like to have to get over the boy she never dated

Cover Image Credit: onehdwallpaper

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4 Signs That You Might Be A Pushover In Your Relationship

There's a fine line between being considerate and overly-accommodating in a relationship, here are some signs to help you determine which side of the line you're on.

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While most of us consider ourselves independent individuals who are secure enough to maintain our own values while respecting someone else's, the difference between being flexible and completely bending to a romantic partner's will can be a slippery slope.

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that everything the two of you disagree on suddenly disappears. There are times when you'll have to occasionally make concessions in order to reach a solution, but you should never be the one to relent every on every issue. If you're not sure about how you stand in your relationship here are few signs that you may be a dating pushover.

1. You let them set the pace of the relationship

It can be hard to know if things are moving at a normal speed, especially if you're new to relationships. If you feel like things are moving too quickly or like the two of you aren't on the same page and choose to ignore it because the other person is content with where you are, then you're not giving your own feelings enough consideration. A relationship is not just about one person's emotions, disregarding the ones you're unsure about to avoid making waves doesn't make you peacekeeper, it makes you a pushover.

2. Your lack of an opinion is replaced by theirs

It's okay not to have an opinion on every issue plaguing our society at the moment, but it's not okay to allow your partner to declare a stance for you. If you're having a conversation with friends and politics are being broached and your S/O prefaces their statement with "We think," -knowing darn well that you don't have anything to say about Trump's administration and they think he's the best thing since Netflix started streaming "Friends"- and you don't interject with your true feelings, then you've just let them know that their preferences are more important than yours.

3. You conform to the way they see you

People are multifaceted and complex beings. While Tinder may ask you to describe yourself by a handful of defining characteristics to better match you with a mate, you are more than just "quiet" and "indoorsy". If you find yourself with someone who reduces you to labels that complement them, chances are that the more you're around them the more you'll start to only identify yourself by those labels as well. When you conform to the 2-dimensional image that someone else has of you, you lose parts of your identity and become a social chameleon.

4. You alter your dreams to fit into theirs

It's exciting to picture your life with someone you care and are serious about. Of course, you have to make some configurations in order for things to work for the both of you, but there has to be an equal amount of compromise for it to be healthy. If you're working towards a degree that would open doors for you to meet new people and have new experiences but your S/O has dreams to get settled sooner rather than later and makes you feel like you're overreaching in your life, don't abandon your vision for something that would fit into theirs.

Being a pushover does not mean you're a weak person. I don't think anyone sets out with the intent to be a chameleon dater. Sometimes it happens gradually, two people start off in a relationship thinking that they're compatible and then one person grows more comfortable and their will and opinions turn out to be stronger than the other persons'. Other times, you just make a poor judgment call and try to make things work with someone that wasn't meant for you.

If you find yourself to be a pushover in your relationship and you're unhappy about it, you can change. Take some time to learn about yourself and figure out what you want and who you want to be. You can't choose someone who really loves you and values your mind if you don't know how you need to be loved and understood. Whether you need a to step away from the dating scene, have a conversation with your romantic partner or even take a break from them, understanding yourself will strengthen all of your relationships in the long run.

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