It was like clockwork, every Sunday morning around 8:00 a.m., my sister, my parents and I got into the car and drove to church. Something I really dreaded until I was old enough to understand what was going on. I grew up in a family that had a strong faith. I never really had my faith tested during my childhood and I was lucky enough to have parents that forced me to go to church until I realized how really amazing the weekly ceremony that I went to was.
It wasn't until I got to college that my faith was tested. It wasn't tested because I stopped praying or because I stopped believing but it was tested because I didn't attend weekly services and the not all the people that I had class with belonged to a religion. It was also tested a little because I frequently heard advocation for no religion and I just really had no idea what to think. The things that were so strongly engrained into my life were starting to be tested and I was scared. I knew that I was still a strong believer in God and that I always would be but I was starting to drift away from my normal habits and I ultimately felt like I was failing.
There were days that I missed my parents, I wanted to see my sister; the people that I was surrounded with at school were all busy and I felt that I had nothing. My anxiety went through the roof as I sat in my 12 foot by 12 foot dorm room and felt empty and alone. I very clearly remember staring at my book shelf just thinking that maybe something would pop out at me when I saw my devotional journal. I felt like it had a red flashing light on it like, PICK ME UP. I pulled my journal off the shelf and I read what I was suppose to reflect on for the day and the phrase was something along the lines of "Even when everything seems to fall apart, God is always with you." If that wasn't exactly what I needed at that moment; I don't know what I needed.
This is when my faith started to become stronger and stronger because even though not everyone prayed or even believed, I knew that I still had the strong relationship with my savior. I had never felt closer to God than I did at that moment. There is never a night that I don't spend my moments falling asleep thanking God for all that he offers to me and I know that if it wasn't for my faith, I would not be half of the person I am today.
I think the most important thing that I realized that lonely October day of my first year was; when all else seemed to fail, God was still there and because of that, I was okay.
