In the trap of life’s depression

I’ve become sins new obsession

Of all my blessings in front I stand

Joy still blocked by Satan’s hand

He takes away life’s dear and precious

Anger from its’ loss infectious

Rage and sorrow a dangerous pair

On my shoulders bound to bare

He steals away my sense of meaning

And with my glow of life depleting

He shows me that I’m full of weakness

Saying life is only bleakness

But in this pain and constant aching

I give my soul up for the taking

For my God who breaks my chains

With his blood his robes he stained

On that cross my sins he bear

With the chapel curtains tear

He takes away my fear and shame

And all my restless nights he’ll tame

Lest I give my soul for taking

There can be no soul remaking

It may take strength with pain and anguish

But Satan’s power will soon be vanquished

In the gift of life’s depression

I’ve become Gods new obsession

Of all my blessings in front I stand

Held in Gods most loving hand

-A sinner saved by God’s grace.

I wrote this poem(above) on a day when my depression was particularly bad. I had struggled all day to keep myself together. On days like that my head is so full of thoughts and feelings so I usually try to create something with them. It gives me a sense of comfort that something good can come out of my pain. So, I started writing the first verses that came to my mind. I was expecting to write a very sad poem that expressed the pain I was feeling. It had started out that way but toward the middle it started to take a turn. What was coming to my mind was not coming from what I was feeling. Words started to flow to my mind that portrayed the opposite if what was going on in my head. The poem was turned around to show the power of God over my depression. I wasn’t exactly feeling that way though. I felt far from secure in my situation. I was unstable, weak, and tired. I guess you don’t have to feel something to believe it. I felt as God was speaking to me rather than my own ideas coming through. That was his writing, not mine. He used my own drive to write as a way he could speak to me. In all honesty, it’s probably the only time I leave space to listen. My mind is always so busy and hectic trying to distract myself from my thoughts rather than let them run. Writing helps me organize and make sense of them. And when I do that God always steps in to help me get my head straight. After I finished the poem I felt an amazing sense of comfort that I hadn’t for a long time. I knew those word did not come from me; it felt amazing to be reminded that God is there whether I feel him or not. He truly is an amazing God and I don’t deserve his love, but I’m sure as hell glad to have it.

As much as I want to sign my name at the end of this poem, I cannot take credit for it in good conscience. God is responsible for any effect it may have in this broken world. I too often forget the true reason for my writing, to bring praise to my God. Without him I am nothing. All my accomplishments are in his hands. It is foolish of me to believe I do anything through my own power. So I lift this up to the Alfa and Omega, and pray that his words will be heard even through the wall of Satan’s lies and deceit. All praise to God.