After last week, a week that seemed to go on forever, God and I were not on speaking terms.

And this is not the first time we have been this way, either.

Something had happened in my life that was wildly inexplicable. Something no one was prepared for, something no one expected, something that absolutely broke the hearts of all my dear family and friends. My nephew passed away at four months old from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Of course, before he had actually passed away and was sped to the hospital, we were all praying — praying in the most frantic of ways, praying with tears in our eyes, praying for God's will. But the thing is, we didn't think God's will was going to be to take him from us so soon.

What is it that you do when God's will and your own will don't seem to match up?

When it was announced that my nephew didn't make it, I stopped praying. I just couldn't find the words. Well, I'm lying- I probably could have found a few words, such as:
"What the heck, God?"
"Seriously?"
"How on earth can this be for the better?"
"What are you thinking?"
"This is not what I prayed for."
"How dare you."

So on, and so forth. However, these are not things I said to God. I was scared to say any of them because I was filled with hurt that felt inexplicable. Nothing could heal the heartache, nothing would allow me to stop being angry with the outcome, and I didn't want God to see me this way, so seemingly ungrateful for the days that I did get to spend with my nephew, for all the other blessings in my life. It wasn't until I really did some spiritual searching in scripture on what to do when you are grieving a painful loss or experience that I found some sort of comfort and ease.

I think if God could have come down and said something to me that day, this is the wisdom he would have shared; this is what he would have told me and anyone else who is grieving over an inexplicable, or painful experience:

1. Sometimes, we don't have to understand everything.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

We, as humans, don't have all the answers. I believe if we were meant to, we would have them. As hard as it is, we have to realize we only see a fraction of the bigger picture, and while we may be mourning for a lost one, we are really mourning for ourselves while they are joyful spending the rest of eternity with our Heavenly Father in a place so amazing, we can't even begin to fathom. All things we experience here will eventually find a way to be for His glory. It is only our job to actively seek His comfort in these times so they may be turned into such.

2. Understand that God does not create the bad things that happen to us.

"For hardship does not spring from the soil, nor does trouble sprout from the ground. Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." - Job 5:6-7

Because we see God as almighty and look to Him for all of the good things we have in our lives, we assume the same hand that blesses us also curses us when bad things come about. That just isn't the truth. As humans, we live in a very flawed world. A world with corruption, sickness and other forms of treachery that are not of God's doing. It is so easy to blame Him when things go wrong because we so often look to Him for our blessings; however, God would never harm us because of the love He has for us. What matters most is how you handle these curve balls life throws at you, not where they came from. The world has been this way since Adam and Eve, and will continue to be this way until we are called to live with Him forever in a place where there is no sickness, hurt or pain.

3. You do not have to hide your grief/anger from God.

"You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again." - Psalm 71:20-21

God wants to be your best friend; He knows you from the inside out and knows what is on your heart. Because He loves you, He doesn't want a fake or phony version of you. He doesn't want half-hearted prayers filled with understanding when the last thing you feel is understanding. He knows when you are upset, and those are the times He wants you to turn to him most. He wants you to come to Him broken, confused, hurt, angry; because He wants to heal you from that hurt. He wants to comfort you, He wants you to find rest in Him. After comforting a dear friend, don't you feel great afterwards? Understand that God isn't just a God who wants your high praise when all is going well; He wants to be there for you in your darkest hour, if you will only turn to Him. How special is that?

4. When you're going through something, you should be running towards church; not away from it.

The last thing I wanted to do the day after my nephew's funeral was going to church. I was exhausted and still broken, I didn't want people to see me this way. I think this is because, sometimes, we get so caught up in how we look at church, the image of others, who is singing the hymns on or off key, etc.; all things that don't matter. Church was never meant to be a social gathering for fun. Church wasn't meant for you to attend only on good days or only when it is convenient to go. Church is like a hospital for the broken. Church is a place where healing is supposed to occur. It's a place where when you are empty, you can be refilled with the presence of the Holy Spirit and be full of a new hope from the Word of God. In bad times, when you are hurt and feel lost, is when you truly need it most.

5. Pray for strength and courage to begin healing.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

Sometimes, when we hit tough times in our lives, it is difficult to imagine ourselves ever getting through it. That is how last week felt: like it was a pain that was never going to end. I'm not saying that in all cases it gets easier, because when you lose a loved one it isn't supposed to. As my dad described it, it just goes from a sharp pain to a more dull pain as time passes on. That doesn't mean the anger and bitter feelings inside you have to continue. You can miss a person forever, but still heal yourself from the ugly, angry pain it is causing you. God wants to help you with this, and if you pray for it and seek comfort in His words, sometimes it is the only thing that actually helps through these times. He is hope, love, and light; He cares about you and wants to be your best friend. I have some pretty awesome friends, but through time, I have found God to be the best comforter through the most difficult situations.

Because of the flawed world we live in, we will have high points, low points and even reallylow points. But at the end of the day, it's about how we get through these times and choose to use them for the betterment of ourselves and God's glory that matters. You are never alone. You never go unheard because we have a God so great, He walks through these times with you, even when you feel completely alone. Just that blessing alone is more than enough for me.