A few months ago I went to get an echocardiogram.
As usual, I was a ball of nerves knowing that it was coming. I knew it wouldn’t be very painful, but it’s the unknown of the results that always catches me where it shouldn’t. It’s silly, I know, but that’s just how I roll… or used to roll? On the car ride there we listened to K-Love and I was praying that all was going to go well.
I got into the curtain-contained room and put on my gown, waiting and nervous. The cardiologist came in and got me all positioned and ready to go. She started the exam, which to my surprise takes at least 15 minutes to complete - much longer than I thought. As she went, certain points of the ultrasound really hurt because I’m small with not a lot of cushion, and she had to apply pressure to read through my ribs.
We start talking about how her heart skips beats too, like after she’s had Starbucks, when she’s dehydrated, and when she’s really upset. Oh hey, we have that in common! (Even though mine occurs at times that I don’t understand, too.)
I mention that we are similar in that aspect, but also that I think my anxiety issues are part of the cause. Surprisingly, she starts talking about how she grew up with paralyzing anxiety and that it continued through until she was about 20. She said that when she notices her heart skipping beats or racing, she takes a deep breath and says a prayer.
Wow, a sign that I should put more faith in God? Maybe. But He made sure I really knew what He was trying to tell me.
She also mentioned that is it great I chose to go to school away from home, because it forces myself to face and overcome my anxiety on my own. The best way to get over my anxiety is to face it.
Even further, she says that once she was 20 she realized that anxiety could no longer rule her life. She said that she decided that you can’t have faith and worry at the same time. She made a point to put 100% faith into everything she did- that way when things don’t work out, she knows that that is what was meant to happen. She knows that what happens is what God wants to happen. She knows that she shouldn’t worry because God is with her the whole time, leading her in the right directions. She no longer has anxiety, she no longer has worries. She has God.
If that isn’t a slap in the face telling me what I need to do, then I don’t know what is. All I know is that I left my echocardiogram appointment filled with smiles and hope.
God sent me her, and I know exactly why.