There’s no one in the world like you. Every single person on Earth is made up of different combinations of love and hate and happiness and depression and problems and answers. Of spite and care and pain and pleasure. Each and every person on earth is their own amazing mixture and no one can ever compare to you. You are you. Loud or quiet, thin or fat, book smart or street smart. You might be one person’s dream come true, but another’s worst nightmare and that’s ok. What’s important is knowing the difference.
It’s so easy to be offended when we enjoy being around someone and they don’t like us back. And it doesn’t just happen romantically. It can happen between anyone. What did we do wrong? Is it because we’re fat? What changed?
The thing is, some people just aren’t compatible. Some combinations of happy and sad and reckless and tame just don’t work well together, or they might not work mutually. Some combinations work well together for years, but someone’s balance of peace and chaos shifting can throw the whole dynamic off. Just because we admire someone else doesn’t mean they have to like us back. And that doesn’t make them rude, or an asshole, or inconsiderate. It makes them human.
So, what happens when people don’t admire us back? They tolerate us. They put up with us because it won’t kill them. We aren’t awful and they let us hang around because it’s uncomfortable to ask us not to. They tolerate us because it’s polite and they feel guilty for not liking us back. Because they tolerate us, we think they like us.
We continue to invite ourselves over because they never ask us to leave. We continue to ask them to lunch because they were probably just really busy the hundred other times we asked them. We continue to text them hours into the night because, even though they’re giving one word answers and you’re carrying the whole conversation, they are still answering. They continue to hook up with us because we’re there, and they don’t absolutely hate us, so what’s the harm? We continue to think of them as our good friends, our “almost” significant others, but to them we’re that person that just won’t leave them alone. And no one is really to blame here. Sometimes people don’t like you and there’s really nothing you can do about it. Your combination of crazy and sane isn’t compatible with their combination of vanity and humility.
But that doesn’t mean you aren’t worth it. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve every good thing in the world. And it definitely doesn’t mean that you should stick around these people who can only tolerate you and wait for them to like you more or because it’s convenient.
You need to find the people that will celebrate you. The people that you are mutually compatible with. The people who invite you over and ask you to stay. The people who set up lunch dates. The people who not only respond to your texts, but who ask you questions back. The people who hook up with you because they want to. The people who want to stay up with you talking about the universe. The people who will sit in your room while you do work just so they can spend time with you. The people who are constantly reminding you that you are a perfect combination of sorrow and bliss and motivation and laziness and healthy and sick. The people who know your flaws and how to help you work around them. The people who don’t make you feel stupid or worthless or not good enough. And this is an ongoing process. People are constantly changing and you are constantly changing and every now and then you need to look around and assess who you’re spending your time with. It can be hard to let go of people you love, but if they don’t love you back, you need to do yourself a favor and drop your sh*tty friends.
