If Donald Trump’s Advisors And Cabinet Members Went To UC Berkeley As Freshmen
Start writing a post

If Donald Trump’s Advisors And Cabinet Members Went To UC Berkeley As Freshmen

You know something is wrong when Steve Bannon makes Kellyanne Conway look normal.

If Donald Trump’s Advisors And Cabinet Members Went To UC Berkeley As Freshmen
ABC News

1) Jeff Sessions, Attorney General

Major: Definitely not African-American studies, if you know what I mean.

Typical Starbucks order: White chocolate mocha, emphasis on the “white.”

Favorite spot on campus: Anywhere that doesn’t smell like weed. In fact, he once told his roommate, “I thought the Ku Klux Klan was okay until I found out they smoked pot.” Unfortunately for him, a student overheard his conversation, and, well, there goes any opportunity for him to run for ASUC senator in the future. Tsk tsk.

2) Betsy DeVos, Secretary of Education

Major: Education with a minor in social welfare… LOL, just kidding. She’s undecided.

Typical Starbucks order: Pumpkin spice latte.

Favorite spot on campus: Too busy hanging out with some of her rich sorority sisters on Greek Row to go to class. Manages to write utter drivel on her Anthro essay and still get a barely passing grade, similar to how she was cleared to become EdSec only after VP Mike Pence broke the Congress tiebreaker. (I mean, she thinks guns should be allowed in schools in case “the grizzlies come.” Can you get any more stupid than that?)

3) Rick Perry, Secretary of Energy

Major: Rick’s been too busy trying to juggle school and football, so he hasn’t had the time to figure out what he wants to pursue. Underwater basket weaving, maybe?

Typical Starbucks order: Sweet tea lemonade.

Favorite spot on campus: Rick’s morning includes two hours of intensely working out at the RSF and five hours of football practice on the field. He then returns to his spacious double in Clark Kerr, but when he realizes that he forgot to study for the next day’s midterm, all he can possibly say is “Oops.”

4) Ben Carson, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

Major: MCB--Neurobiology, pre-med. He also wants to dabble into pre-law, but no one has the guts to tell him that it really isn’t a good idea. No, seriously. He’s not cut out for pre-law. At all.

Typical Starbucks order: Silly Americans. Coffee is not healthy! But, if you insist, Ben really likes the new smoked butterscotch latte.

Favorite spot on campus: Ben doesn’t really like spending time on campus. The Suitcase Clinic and Berkeley Free Clinic weren't his style, so he spends every other day and weekend at Alta Bates. When he’s not shadowing neurosurgeons and working at the hospital gift shop, he sits in his room at Foothill, studying his butt off for his next Chem 3A midterm.

5) Steve Bannon, Chief Strategist and Senior Adviser

Major: Literally anything that isn’t related to racial/cultural diversity, feminism, LGBTQ rights, or science. Which rules out a lot.

Typical Starbucks order: Vanilla bean frappuccino. The color of the drink is white, and Bannon is, y’know, a white supremacist.

Favorite spot on campus: The Berkeley College Republicans kicked him out of their organization because he was “too extreme.” So, now, he has nowhere to go. Sad!

6) Jared Kushner, Senior Adviser

Major: Economics and political science, pre-Haas.

Typical Starbucks order: Vanilla sweet cream cold brew.

Favorite spot on campus: Jared loves spending time with his pre-business student organization, but when he isn’t climbing his way to the top of the Haas ladder, he spends time with his girlfriend because of her strong personality. Not because she has a rich dad, or anything like that. Definitely not.

While Jared is the youngest of this bunch, however, he possesses something that the others severely lack: a brain.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments