Gloria et Honor
Politics and Activism

Gloria et Honor

If you make cheap jokes about Latin I will fight you

Charleton Heston in Ben-Hur, virilis et sudans

Scriptus turpissimus

Salve, Savannah! In sermone tuo, dixisti:

“[Personae non debent scribere per Ulyssem si...] “You only know Latin. I know, I know, 'Latin isn’t really dead'. I’m sorry, but except for the Vatican, it is most certainly very dead, and the majority of our audience cannot read Latin. So please, as writers at Odyssey, we ask only that you do not, under any circumstances, apply to be a writer. It’s just going to annoy everyone everywhere. Forever.”

Quaenam sunt? Quaenam nugae insanae? O, Savannah, tristis sum per tristes verba e triste puella. Dictae tuae cor meum pertundunt ut gladii saevi plebis in poetae pectorem Cinnae. O, iniustus est oppugnare hominem, sed oppugnare linguam, quae se defendere non potest! O, virgo cum manibus cruentis! Tempus elapsum est salvare Cinnam, sed habeo momentum brevem te ducere ex stagno errorum.

Ecce, omnes: sic impudente irridet Latinam ut petat pastillum fartum articulorum[1] ea. Latina, lingua pulcherrima et antiquissima. Videte: lingua modesta, bona, pudica -- humilitata! Savannah, si te studeant personae doctissimae per saecula innumeros – sic, si aestiment te vim in Europa potentissimam, tunc iudices parvam Latinam cum gratia mea! Lingua latina non est iocus; vas est iocorum mentum sublimium! Mortua non est. Quidem, est vacca senex Bessie – senex, sed calcitrans!

Sed certe pars pessima de sermone Savannae erat “we ask only that you do not, under any circumstances, apply to be a writer. It’s just going to annoy everyone everywhere. Forever.” Id verum non est! Si dices Latine, portas aperio! Saluto et circumplecto te extentis bracchiis, amice Caesarum, poetarum, meum! Si mundum exacerbabimus, minime est!

[1] She looks for a knuckle sandwich.

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