I have always considered myself as a religious person. I grew up going to church every weekend, I got baptized and confirmed into the Catholic church and I pray every night before I close my eyes. I thought all of these things combined made me the person that God wanted me to be. I thought just by simply sitting in God's house every weekend and praying to him every night that I was doing it all right. But I wasn't.
As many of you know from my previous articles, I went through a very tough time this year. I got seriously injured during cheerleading practice and suffered a spinal cord injury. This put me in a wheelchair for five months with little hope of ever returning to a walking human being of society. Having doctor after doctor and therapist after therapist tell you week after week that you may never walk again wears on your heart. I thought I was a strong girl. I thought I could make it through anything. Worst of all, I blamed God for ever letting this happen to me. I had everything going against me. I got so mad at myself for ever believing that I trusted Him with my life. I got so upset that I have lived a lie for believing in him my entire life. I was so certain that He let me down that I tried to take this journey alone.
After deciding to go solo, I didn't know how to handle things. Who do I turn to now? What do I believe in? Why is there a book written for us to read if he isn't even real? And this is when things got worse. I thought I was at rock bottom but turns out I was only half way there and fell face first all the way down to that cold, hard and real rock bottom. I was walking with crutches and regressed to the point of being wheelchair bound 24/7. I couldn't put any weight on either of my legs. I couldn't feel anything waist down. I couldn't move my left leg on my own. This was definitely rock bottom. I had no idea what to do. My therapists met and decided to stop further therapy on my legs and mobility. There was a greater percentage of me never walking again than there was in favor of walking again soon. They told me that they were just going to focus on my core and arm strength and I instantly knew things weren't good. That was the day it was all just too much. After therapy that day, I got to my car and cried, for an hour and a half. I sat in the parking lot and sobbed for what seemed like days. Days!
In that very moment, I gave myself to God. I decided that I couldn't do this alone and that I didn't want to do it alone either. I decided that things were better with Him by my side than they ever were the four months I decided I was too good for Him. I got home from therapy that day and prayed, and oh how I missed praying to God. I prayed all day. I prayed for any kind of improvement at all, I prayed that He help my family and friends deal with me, I prayed for the World to be a better place and prayed, begging for forgiveness. I had pushed Him away. I convinced myself that He wasn't real. I hated myself for believing in Him. These thoughts haunt me every single day. How could I be so selfish? How could I let life get in the way of my relationship with God?
A week later, Easter time, I started making improvements. And I mean huge improvements. The kind of improvements that my doctors and therapists told me were impossible. The kind of improvements that He can only do. I was walking without any devices in less than a week. I made a full recovery in less than a week. No doctor or therapist has been able to tell me why or how it happened, but I don't need them to tell me. My faith in God is what healed me. My overwhelming decision to give Him all of my heart and my mind is what fixed me. Letting Him take the lead is why I am a walking miracle. Giving myself to God was the single, most important, and best decision I have made in my entire life.
I hate that I let myself get so far away from God. He is the one who has brought me this far. He is the one who has blessed me day after day. He is the one who has made this life so wonderful. Now, people look at me like I am fragile. But that's because I am. People wonder why I always have a smile on my face even though I went through the ringer. People wonder what changed me. It wasn't the accident that changed me, It was God. I put my whole heart, mind and trust into God and can't help but to cry every time I think about just how much he has blessed me. I cry when I pray, I cry when I think about the past year and I cry whenever I count my blessings. The best feeling in the world is being overwhelmed each and every day by his love. I thought I knew what his love felt like before, but I was only walking the walk, not talking the talk. When I decided to give everything I am and ever will be to Him, He changed me into the woman I dreamed of becoming. He blessed me in more ways than I will ever be able to count in this lifetime.
God changed me for the better. Who do you put your trust in?
