I am involved in a community group which consists of about 12 girls. I met these girls this year and have been so blessed to be able to do life with them and learn about Jesus with them. A few weeks ago, our group decided that we needed a study or book to go through and we chose the book "Get Lost: Your Guide to Finding True Love" by Dannah Gresh.

At first, I was very hesitant about this read. It seemed to be a little cheesy and I wasn’t sure how applicable it would be to my life. I mean finding true love? Why did I need to read about that? However, as soon as I read the first page, I knew that the Lord was going to teach me so much in the following weeks.

The goal of this book is for teen girls to fast from the love of boys and feast on the love of the Lord. I had no idea what that meant, but I was interested to find out.

Since I don’t have a boyfriend or even a prospect in this current season of life, I thought that going through this book might be a waste of my time and that I would learn very little, if anything. As the story usually goes, I was entirely wrong. God used this study to reveal sins in my life that I didn’t even know where there.

First, the book talks about something called a “craving.” We, as women, crave to be loved and adored, recognized and affirmed. The issue comes when we look to men to fulfill these needs rather than Jesus alone. We confuse our longing for God’s love with the longing for a guy’s love. When we are securely rooted in the love of Jesus, then we are satisfied.

You and I will never be content with any man until we completely submit to the Lord. Since the Fall of Man, women have experienced the desire to control a man’s attention. It’s a tumultuous chase that can only end when we choose to relinquish control to God and realize that He is the true source of love. There is a solution to the ache you feel, but the remedy is not a guy.

As women, we believe the lie that men can fix our hearts. Our human tendency is to store up “things” in order to satisfy the longing in our souls. The fact of the matter is, we all need love, we were created to need love and it is not a bad thing. However, we need to be mindful of directing our hearts to the right source.

As I was learning these things, I began to see how I was absentmindedly looking to others to affirm me and build me up. Slowly I realized that even though I didn’t have a boyfriend to seek recognition from, there were several other ways that I would try to find fulfillment.

The Lord loves us with agape love. It is patient, kind, never envies, does not boast, and is not arrogant, or rude or demanding. This love keeps not record of wrongs and rejoices in the truth. He loves us with an unfailing love. Agape love is not the feeling you get when you encounter someone you deem loveable, but instead chooses to express love when you encounter someone unlovable. This love is about self-denial, not self-fulfillment. It goes directly against the definition of love that our culture has given us.

Our small group eventually reached a portion in the book called a Love Feast. We were to choose something to give up and fast from for 10 weeks. The goal was to incorporate giving up guys in some way. At first, I had no idea what this would look like for me. I didn’t have a guy to give up, but I knew that I somehow needed to “give guys up.”

I prayed about what the Lord wanted me to fast from and I wrestled with what to do. All the other girls in my small group had figured out a way to fast from something, but I was still unsure. Finally, the Lord showed me a big sin in my life, one that can be easily hidden: idolatry.

Without even really realizing it, I found myself idolizing boys and their attention. You see, I didn’t really want a guy, just his attention when I walked in the room. I didn’t really want to go on a date, just for a boy to ask me out on one. I didn’t really want a guy, I just wanted to look for one.

Finally, I knew what God was asking me to do. He was asking me to give up looking.

You might not understand what I mean when I say “give up looking,” so let me try to explain what I mean:

I would walk into a room full of people. The first thing I did was glance around a see if there were any cute boys around. Then, if I spotted one, I started to wonder who he was, what his name was, what he was like… you get the point. Basically, I was looking for prospects here. Not talking to any of them, not engaging in conversation, but simply looking for a guy that would pay me some attention.

This explanation sounds crazy, but it is what I found myself doing over and over again. So, when the Lord asked me to stop looking, I was afraid I wouldn’t know how. But graciously, He taught me, because the things we sometimes crave aren’t really the things we are hungry for.

Part of getting lost in the love of God is getting over your own plans, dreams, and desires. The temporary fix that comes from a man’s affirmation pales in comparison to the satisfaction that comes from being consumed by the unfailing love of Jesus.

The Love Feast was challenging at first. I had to take guys off the table, set aside time in my day to get lost in the love of Christ, and allow the Lord to begin to change my heart.

You and I must fight to make Jesus our first love. We have to stop and ask ourselves, “Do I love Him?”

“You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water…My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63: 1, 8

True love is not stationary, it must either decline or grow. He has already made his choice, now it’s your turn. Will you place your identity in the things of this world or will you acknowledge the fact that He, alone, is enough?

Over the course of my 10 weeks of “giving up guys,” I learned so much about the love that Jesus has for me. God also taught me to see the boys around me as brothers in Christ and how to enjoy their friendship.

Finding your identity in the things of this world will always leave you empty and searching for more, but when you are securely rooted in the love of Christ, you are complete. No boy can compete with the love that Jesus has for you.

You should be so lost in the love of Jesus that a boy must first seek Him in order to find you. Chase God, not guys, and watch your heart be completely transformed.