I don’t feel lesser because I couldn’t have my biological parents. The days of torturing myself with “what ifs” are behind me. Struggling with abandonment issues, depression, and extremely low self-esteem have given way to this girl, with a loving family, security, and all the joy I could ask for. Giving me up was honestly the best thing they could’ve done for me, because I know what my life would be like if they hadn’t.
I was always very insecure when I was younger because I didn't have parents, when they had to modify the Mothers Day and Fathers Day crafts because I couldn't do them, when it was bring your parent to school day, anything geared towards parents. I always felt embarrassed without knowing why. I loved my grandmother, she took custody of me when I was five, but a part of me still felt bitter because I didn't have that family connection.
It's hard for a child to comprehend the situations that lead to them being taken away from their parents, I didn't know why I couldn't stay with my mother, I just knew she was sick. Years later I found out "sick" meant alcoholic, and that she had lied to me about my father. My mothers second nature was to lie, as I also realized later.
All of this culminated after moving across the country, I became depressed and wouldn't go to school, leading to truancy charges and the start of my new life, as funny as that sounds. After sixteen months, my grandmother passed away and I came up for adoption. I was lucky in that the family I was placed into foster care with wanted to adopt me so fiercely. I was thirteen but I wasn't scared, I knew they loved me and I wouldn't be left to uncertainty.
Now, at nineteen and in college, our family has shifted and gone through some changes, but its my family and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I look at my tattoo of a bird on a branch with my adoption date underneath, and smile. I got this tattoo as a reminder, when I have my roughest days, there's a wonderful voice waiting on the phone for me, reminding me that everything is okay.
