Friendships, intimate relationships, family-- regardless of the circumstances, we all know that relationships are built on the concept of give and take. This fundamental principle keeps life moving and keeps the genuine persona alive, but what happens when you become too emotionally invested? When you are the one who gives, gives, gives, and you constantly watch others take, take, take?
Us givers, we fall into this evil cycle. We start off our friendships with wonderful intentions, with the true belief that there will be reciprocity and respect. Then things begin to change; there is no giving back. There is a heavy reliance on you to carry them through life, make things better, and provide the support time and time again. They hoard your love and commitment to establishing a flourishing friendship, yet you are still left with nothing.
We try and step back, we really do. We always get sucked back in. Perhaps if I start giving again, they will understand. They will see what they were missing and then they'll get it back. So we give. We give our attention, we give our support, we lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on. But here we are again, empty handed.
So when do we draw the line? When do we begin to fill this void in our lives? When do we cut off these relationships? The problem is we do not want to end these relationships so abruptly; they still mean a lot to us, we just wish the others would open their eyes. It is not that we don't care at all, it is that we care too much. We fear what their lives would be without us. We fear the mutual loss of a friend So we help, and and we twist our worlds to make sure that they feel loved and supported. But, too often we forget who deserves those same, essential things? You.
We lose sight of the self loving we deserve, lost in the need to constantly make sure others are okay. We lose sight of the happiness we deserve, as we are emotionally invest ourselves in our best friends', romantic partner's, or family member's problems. We let these seemingly big things eat us alive when they really should be itty bitty moments that others should feel the obligation to figure out, not us. It is so easy to get caught up when you care too much, when you never want to see anyone close to you hurting, and when you feel this obligation to keep giving, but all we wish for is a little bit in return. Just a little. It is not that we don't like to help, it is that sometimes we need a little help too. We are not superheroes, we are human, and just a little give and take is all we need.
