The passing of Valentine’s Day leaves a lot of us in reflection of what love really looks and feels like. It’s corny, yes, but whether you celebrated with your friends, family, or significant other(s), if you celebrated at all, there should be mutual respect and effort put into each of those relationships.
Personally, I have learned that receiving as much as you are giving, and vice versa has become extremely important in maintaining my relationships. I have friends that have been in my life for years and no part of those relationships make me feel like I’m putting more effort into them than I’m getting back, and that’s how it should be. While we should be aware of this at all times, I think the New Year and Valentine’s Day magnify the concept. We become hyper-aware of who we’re spending our time with and who we want to spend our time with and it tends to bring to light both the good and the bad.
I’ve been in situations in the past where I’m putting aside my previous commitments or my own needs to cater to others. Eventually, it gets to the point where you start to feel as though people are constantly taking from you before you can even replenish yourself, as one of my best friends likes to put it. This is extremely unhealthy. You shouldn’t let something like that continue because you will find yourself feeling unsatisfied with the relationship, no matter what type of relationship it is.
In my experience, pinpointing those relationships that exhaust me has made me more appreciative of the relationships I have where there is an equal amount of energy put in by both people. However, that process does take time and you will start to feel more confident in making decisions that benefit yourself as well, not just those around you. In other words, it’s okay to say no if someone is only spending time with you when they feel it’s convenient for them without considering your needs and feelings, too.
You have to be able to decide who and what you’re investing your time and energy in and if it’s ultimately worth it. Reflect on who you celebrate moments with and who you want to be around during days like Valentine’s Day. Those are the people who make you feel full, not as though you’re only there for their own taking whenever they need it.
Being a giver doesn’t always have to be draining. You can be there for the people you care about without putting your own needs aside. Anyway, those you care about should understand that your relationship only works if they are willing to give, too. It takes time, but you have to be able to find the balance and recognize when a relationship is taking too much of your energy. If it is, don’t be afraid to do something about it. You are your own priority and you can’t be there for others in the same way if you can’t take care of yourself first.
