When it comes to my appearance, I'm worse than most of my guy friends. My favorite outfit is leggings and a hoodie. I mostly only try to cake over my dark circles every day or else people ask me if I got four hours of sleep (which is usually accurate.) When I wear a dress, people ask me if I have interviews or a presentation that day and when I say no, they are confused. I haven't worked out since June even though I used to be a record-holding track athlete in high school, and I've gained 10 pounds since starting college.
And yet, I'm still happy. Believe it or not, I don't worry about how I look 80% of the time. I spend my time thinking about more important things: puppies.
However, this is a fairly recent mentality. In the past when I caught my reflection, I was disgusted by the person staring back at me. I constantly sat and analyzed each tiny portion of fat on my body and always asked my boyfriend if I had gained weight since he saw me last. My boobs were too small and my stomach was too big and all of a sudden I had an ass and I just couldn't understand how I could be attractive if I wasn't a Ticonderoga pencil (because during cross country season I was and even then I thought I was fat.)
"Well, yeah. That's just part of being a girl."
No. No it fucking isn't. Or at least it shouldn't be.
So here’s my solution.
Once upon a time, I reached a breaking point in my self-esteem. I couldn't take the insults anymore from myself and my surroundings, and I started thinking of ways to change my perspective. When I was a senior in high school I decided to tell myself I was beautiful and a good person every single day until I believed it. I told myself this whenever someone looked at me or whenever I started to feel my insecurities creeping up on me.
I thought it was so ridiculous at first...How could I tell myself something so absurd every single day? And then it just became a habit. And now I actually believe it.
The first step in loving yourself is convincing yourself that you is kind, you is smart, and you is important. And each time I convince myself, it gets a little easier. However, I am not telling you that in order to feel great you must exclusively wear leggings and hoodies (that will come with time, young grasshopper, it's this weird thing called "being comfortable"); it just means thinking you're beautiful and a big bowl of awesomesauce all of the time. But if you do decide to join the dark side, it’s a way cheaper side. Priorities.
Follow me, my children.
