After graduating high school in 2012, I got the chance to go on my dream mission trip. I guess I shouldn't say "got the chance." I worked really hard my entire senior year to raise the funds to go. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into that trip. My friends and family put their blood, sweat and tears into that trip.
I had a fear that the trip wasn't going to affect me the way I wanted it to. I was afraid that I would get to Africa and I would become stagnant in my relationship with God; that I would start looking at this trip as less of a chance to help me and to help those around me and more as a graduation vacation. That thought made me so sick.
I started praying. I started praying the scariest prayer I've ever prayed.
I prayed for God to give me His eyes and to break my heart for what breaks His.
Don't get me wrong, I'd always been that person who felt deeply. I used to pick out the ugliest Beanie Babies because I wanted them to have a home. I've always had a soft heart. But nothing could have prepared me for how God was about to move.
I started to feel more. I felt the hurt in those around me and became more attuned (than I sometimes wanted) to others' feelings. I went on the trip and I still think about it every day, four years later. He answered my prayer, more than I ever imagined He would, and it has extended far beyond that trip to Malawi.
I now have this wonderful gift. This gift of being able to feel things that other people feel and being able to relate to them easily. It's not always fun and sometimes it threatens to tear me apart, but I'm so thankful I feel these things.
Giving my heart and emotions to God and saying, "Here, have Your way with these," has been the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I've had to train myself and let God mold me so that I don't let the emotions of others completely control me, but I am slowly finding that balance. All in His grace and His timing.
I love the emotional human that He is shaping me into. I love how happy my high points are, but I would never get there without the low points - my heart being broken for what breaks His. Because not only does He allow my heart to break, but He restores it.
I challenge you to pray that dangerous prayer that I did 4 short years ago. I guarantee He will change you in all the right ways.
