“I would say this to their face, so it’s okay.”

“They’re fine with me telling you this, I think.”

“I’m only telling you, so don’t tell anyone else.”

“You’ll never believe what happened to them.”

Gossip: that silent killer we all avoid talking about. I’ll be the first to admit it, I sometimes like to know a little more than I should. At the time, it doesn’t seem so wrong. We’re just telling a story, right? What’s the harm in telling a story? The harm comes when the story is altered, or worse, wasn’t supposed to be told at all.

Usually there’s some part of the story that’s made to sound a little more dramatic than it needed be, or is exaggerated to make someone look worse than they actually are. Sometimes we’ve even been outright told not to tell anyone, but does that stop us? No, not all the time. We all do it—we gossip to keep life interesting.

Here’s my question: what’s considered gossip?

I’ve struggled with this for a while. Are we not supposed to tell our friends anything that we hear about other people? No, I don't think that's the case.

What we do need to ask ourselves is, “Would this person be okay with me telling this story?” Put yourself in their shoes. Would you want it told? If the answer is no, it probably shouldn’t be talked about. Believe me, I know how difficult that is to do, but wouldn’t we want others to do the same?

I can’t count how many friendships I know that have either been deeply damaged or ended because of gossip.

There’s nothing worse than thinking you can trust someone with something and then all of a sudden, you hear from the grapevine that what you've entrusted has been let out. You may have even asked them not to tell anyone, but once it’s out, it’s out for good.

I think sometimes we decide on our own if our friend really meant “don’t tell anyone.” Believe me, the thought has run through my head too. We overlook that phrase and decide for ourselves that it's okay to tell, when really, it’s not our decision to make.

For someone who absolutely loves talking to people and making connections, this is a hard one. I've been realizing that what I talk about truly does matter, and it affects people more than I may ever know.

I’ve decided gossip is not worth it. It’s not worth losing friendships, losing trust and hurting those I love. Learning to keep things to myself is a skill worth learning, as difficult as it is. I have to learn to even keep things from that “one friend that I can tell everything to just because it’s them.” It's still gossip and it could still hurt someone, and that’s what truly matters.

So next time you think to tell a story, think to yourself about whether or not who you’re talking about would mind you telling their story. If no, go right ahead! Enlighten whoever you’re talking to with the story. If yes, keep it to yourself, because it’s what you’d want others to do for you.