I decided when I was younger what kind of man I wanted, and since then, I haven't stopped searching for that man. I've always been one to fall hard. Anyone who knows me knows that. Even when I wasn't searching for anything, I met someone. I knew he wasn't the right guy for me but I let the feelings sneak up on me. I didn't want them. I made excuses over and over again for this guy without even knowing it. That brought me to December. Christmas time, one of the most romantic times of the year. I kept seeing so many relationships plastered all over social media and cute date ideas I tried to force myself into a relationship that I truly wasn't happy in. It's not that I wasn't satisfied, it's just I wasn't that kind of happy you get when you're with someone and you think the world of them. I wanted to like him because I knew he was good for me, but we can't help what the heart wants and mine didn’t want him. After that ended I promised myself with the new year would come a new me. The New Year proved to be a new me. Some would argue it was a better version of me, some would argue it was a worse version of me, and others would argue that I just wasn't myself. I was on edge constantly trying to stay true to this, "new me." I wanted to show everyone I wasn't that same hopeless romantic girl that believed that there was good in everyone and didn't let her opinion be heard. I didn't want to listen to anyone or even let them think that their opinions had the power to influence my own opinions or my own actions. So for the past three months I've been this girl that just didn't care. Reflecting back, I'll share what I'm going to keep and change going forward. First of all, I'm not going to be different in the way that I sacrifice all my beliefs or my character. Second, I will listen to others opinions, but ultimately everything I'm going to do will be one hundred and ten percent my choice. Third, I will let my voice be heard, even over those voices who try to talk down to me. Fourth, I will stop looking for a guy, because I honestly don't need one right now. I never want to feel how I felt saying goodbye to a man in my past ever again. It may be inevitable in the future, but I'm traveling places right now. Literally and metaphorically traveling. I'm on this journey with my life right now where nothing is guaranteed for me. Which brings me to my final thing, I'm going to focus on me. All the drama is done for me. I was never involved in it before, but somehow recently it has come to me and I recognize that. I also recognize I'm better then petty drama. I've always been the peace keeper and I'll continue to be that girl and not the girl that drama has been clinging to recently. Things won't make sense in life. They never do. There are no guarantees for anyone. So while we're young and figuring out life, don't take things to seriously. Take a deep breath. Work hard, but play harder. Enjoy the company of your friends, because one day we will all be too busy in our own separate lives. So busy that sleepovers and card games will be hard to organize with so many different lives on different schedules. Do and live for the things that excite you and make you happy. Make memories that will last a lifetime.