A girl is going out for the night. She says goodbye to her mother. Her mother asks for a text when the girl gets to the party. The girl agrees. How else will her mother know that she got to the party safely?
The mother and daughter’s exchange is short, but they’ve talked about her going out hundreds of times before. In fact, they talked about it earlier that same day. “Text me when you get there.” “Are your friends going?” “Don’t drink too much.” “Don’t put your drink down.” “Don’t go anywhere alone.” “Don’t stay outside too late.” These are all things that the daughter has heard before. These are all things that the mother worries about and constantly repeats.
The girl will admit it was annoying when she was younger. Now she thinks otherwise, as she is constantly hearing about women who are raped, killed, and attacked. She doesn’t feel safe if she doesn’t have the Mace that she keeps in her purse. She tries to make sure she is inside when it is late at night. Her drink is always in her hand. She won’t go to the bathroom without her friends. Sometimes she’s laughed at for that one, but she’d rather be laughed at than attacked.
Even while she is at parties, she is constantly on her guard, never quite able to fully enjoy herself. What if she slips up and has too much to drink? Are her clothes too revealing? That guy at the counter keeps staring at her. She should talk to her friend and avoid looking at him for the rest of the night.
She’s heard the horror stories, and they’re constantly in the back of her mind. She doesn’t want to be tomorrow’s headline.
She’ll see the guy she’s been texting. They’ve seen each other before, but this party is the first time they’ll really get to hang out and spend time together. What if they end up doing more than just talking? What if she doesn’t want to go any further, but he does? Will he listen to her? And if he doesn’t, will anyone believe her? If they do believe her, will they even care?
She thinks about the news story she read the other day. It was about a girl at UNC who had raped. That girl did everything she was supposed to do, but the guy was acquitted. She thinks about the questions that the girl was asked: “What were you wearing?” “What were you drinking?” “How much did you drink?” “How much did you eat that day?” “Did you lead him on?” “Had you hooked up with him before?” “Do you often have one night stands?” “Did you even say no?” “What is your sexual history?” “How many men have you slept with?”
She wonders why any of those questions matter. If this girl said she was raped, why does no one help her? Why do they let her rapist continue his life as though he weren’t a criminal? Why did they comfort him? Why are they letting him stay on the football team? Why don’t they care?
Why is it the girl’s fault when she is raped?
As her friend drives her to the party, she runs through all of her safety precautions in her mind. The mace is in her purse. She double-checked. She made sure that her shirt wasn’t too revealing and that her skirt wasn’t too short. A couple girls might call her a prude, but she’d rather be safe. She had a shorter skirt that she had been considering, but then that could’ve been dangerous. She knew there’d be drinking at the party, so she and her friend promised that they’d watch out for each other. That guy that she’s been talking to was going to be there, so she’d make sure that if they did go off alone, her friend knew about it. Her friend didn’t have to promise that she’d constantly check her phone for texts from her. She didn’t have to promise because they’ve been doing this for years.
The girl thought that with all of her precautions, she might actually be able to enjoy herself. Sure, she’d always be on the lookout, but she wouldn’t let her worries ruin the night. She didn’t want to worry about possible court cases and hearings if something did go wrong, but her mom always said these things always seem to happen to the “other girl,” until that “other girl” is you.
God, she hoped she did everything she could.
"Perhaps it is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused and, in reality, it is she who must prove her good reputation, her mental soundness, and her impeccable propriety." -Freda Adler
