Dear confused and hopefully sorry boyfriend,
If you’re dating someone chances are there is going to be conflict and in this conflict she is going to think you are an absolute jerk. While there may be nothing you can do at the time to prevent her from thinking that there is plenty you can do to change how she is feeling at the moment.
You can argue all day over who is right and who is wrong and you will argue in circles continuously until you learn this: no one will ever be right because right and wrong is a matter of opinion and you’re both entitled to different opinions. If there is one thing I cannot stress enough to you it is this: it does not matter at the end of the day or six months from now who was right or wrong, but it does matter how you made each other feel, because six months from now she will remember how you made her feel and if you made an effort to resolve her feelings. You cannot argue over how you have made someone feel so ask yourself this: is being right worth your relationship? If it is not, make a positive lasting impression by making an effort to mend the conflict.
Generally you don’t know how to fix the fight so often you choose just to give her space and hope it gets better, but unfortunately that hasn’t been working so now you’re here on the Internet scavenging for answers and lucky for you I have them!
My advice to you is to walk away from the fight. Do not stay and add more fuel to the fire. Both of you need time to calm down, clear your head and to take a step back to analyze the conflict at hand. After you have done so here are a few ways you can cheer her up and resolve the fight.
1. Initiate conversation.
Most of the time she is waiting for you to come around and make it better and the longer you take to confront her, generally, the angrier she becomes.
2. Apologize.
You do not have to admit to being wrong if that is something that will hurt your ego, but genuinely apologize for making her upset or however you have made her feel. When you apologize do not do it over a text message or Facebook message. That form is insincere. Apologize in person if possible. If not, call her or Facetime her. I promise you she will appreciate it much more.
3. Love.
It is safe to say that everyone wants to feel loved. So if you made her feel unloved by being a jerk show her that she is loved. For example, you can give her a hug, a kiss, hold her hand, cuddle her, kiss her forehead, etc.
4. Write a cute note.
In this note you can tell her that you are sorry, that you love her and why you think she is great, or even just how you're feeling. Let her read it, digest it and then come back and see how things are.
5. Flowers.
Buy her flowers and deliver them with a sincere apology. Her favorite flowers every once in awhile can go a long way. Most girls grow up seeing their father and grandfathers give their mothers and grandmothers beautiful roses and spend days dreaming of the time when she too will receive flowers of admiration. Make her dream come true.
6. Dinner.
Make amends by offering to take her out for a nice dinner to make up for the time lost arguing. If you’re feeling daring offer to make a nice homemade dinner. Set the table and light a candle to make it special.
7. Talk.
Show her that you care by sitting down and asking her how she feels and what is wrong. Listen with the intent to understand and to hear rather than the intent to respond.
8. Instagram.
While our generation is becoming more dependent on technology and social media throw out a nice Instagram post or tweet. A reminder of the great times you have had together along with some sweet words will be sure to reach her heart.
9. Do something she has been putting off.
I’m sure you have noticed that there is something your girlfriend really doesn’t want to do. Do it for her. It might be the laundry, dishes, making the bed, fixing something that was broken, etc. Even if she declines I’m sure she will appreciate the offer.
10. Do something with her.
There is no point in dwelling in the past so make an effort to make new memories with her. Do something with her that you know she has wanted to do. It could be going to the beach, watching her favorite movie or reality TV show, going to the country fair, etc. Be creative.
As Bob Marley once said, “If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
So ask yourself one last question, is she worth it? If so, you know what to do.
On behalf of girls everywhere..
Sincerely,
Alexa
