Disclaimer: This isn’t some motivational blog post about how “you can do anything if you just set your mind to it,” or how “people will never know what’s going on in your head if you never tell them.” Those posts will never get you anywhere.
We all know that one person who can strike up a conversation with anyone. We all know that one person who knows everyone. We all know that one person who is always talking. And we all know that one person who is always listening. This post is for that person: the girl who always listens but can’t share about herself.
We’ve all seen her before, whether its at a party, coffee shop, or class, she sits with one or two people (if anyone at all) and just listens and observes. She doesn’t start a conversation with a stranger or make herself stand out at all. She’s a regular wallflower. You’ve probably walked right by her more than you realize.
Next time you see a girl like this stop and observe her for a moment. Pay attention to every move she makes, they will be few and far between. You’ll see her cross her legs, uncross them, and then cross them again. You’ll see her intently watch the person speaking. You’ll see her thoughts slowly develop and take up refuge in the back of her throat, never making it past her lips.
That girl, the one listening, doesn’t say much but has so much to share with the world. Behind those seemingly content eyes, often lies a hurricane of thoughts and emotions. She holds back the storm and tames it in her own way. After years of taming the storm inhabiting her mind she becomes comfortable living in the background. Sure she still is able to build a few relationships here and there with people, but she never really opens up all the way, she doesn’t know how to.
She can’t open up to people because if she does then they would notice her and if they notice her then one of two things could happen: (1) they love what she has to say and demand more from her, or (2) they don’t understand or don’t agree with what she says and ignore her. She can’t handle either. With the love and acceptance comes the demand for newer and better thoughts and stories. With the rejection come isolation and a lower sense of self worth. So she keeps who she truly is a secret, never letting the world see as she sits behind her window and observes.
I know a lot about that girl because I am that girl. I’m not an open person. Sure, I’ve come a long way in the past six years or so, but I’m nowhere near being an open person. In high school I kept to myself to avoid the drama of high school, or at least that’s what I told myself. Looking back on it I kept to myself in high school because I was afraid of people seeing me, I mean really seeing me, because if they did and didn’t like who I was then I would have to live with that rejection forever. And high school me didn’t really think I had a lot of high points. But enough about that.
Like I was saying, I am that girl, the one who can’t open up, the one who listens. But I am also that girl who is trying to be more transparent and open about herself. I can’t say I’m doing it on my own because there’s no way I could. I have a great support team of friends and family (whether they know they’re helping or not), and an even greater God. I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m starting to realize that I am a broken person and that’s okay because we all are, yet God still loves each and every single person on this earth. Plus in the end it doesn’t matter what other people think of, just what God thinks of me.
So there you have it, a girl who can’t open up just did. She, I, found my way to cope with this. I’m not perfect and by no means an extrovert, but I’m alive and well. So to the girl who can’t open up I say take your time and find out why you can’t. It’s all up to you to decide if you should after that.
