To The Girl, Who Thinks Her World Is Ending,

It’s not.

I was once just like you; hurt, lonely and desperate to find the answer as to why he left. At the time of my heartbreak, I would‘ve never pictured myself here, writing this, as the confident, genuine and energetic young woman I am today.

For the longest time I relied heavily on someone I shouldn’t have to get me through each day. Once that person walked out of my life, I thought and evened wished, for my world to end. Today, I sit here, thankful that God, or whoever is up there, didn’t answer those thoughts because I came to the conclusion that my life is not dependent on a temporary person, and yours isn’t either. Your life is not dependent on him leaving. It does not define who you are, or determine your value.

I won’t lie to you, it took me a long time to realize this, and it might take you some time to get to that point too. That is okay.

I remember the last day I saw his car pull up in my driveway. I remember it because it was the single worst day of my life. He talked, I cried, and we both promised to be friends. I watched from my back porch as the shine of his taillights moved down my street for the last time. I thought that moment -- right then and there -- was the end of the world, and in some ways, it might have been. It was the end of the world as I knew it -- the world where he and I were together. Maybe it still existed, or would sometime in the future, just not now.

I woke up the next day, and every day since put a smile on my face and went on with my day. With the help of my best friend, I got out of bed, changed out of his old t-shirt I had been wearing the night before, and put on the familiar knit fabric of my dad’s cozy sweater. I tried to continue my normal habits, but each time I went to check my phone, I was reminded of the way he used to light up my phone with sweet good morning text messages at this time. The way I longed to communicate with him made it feel like the end of the world yet again. Later, when I sat down to do some painting, I saw the Christmas present I was making for him; a hand-painted picture of his dog inside a mug for his morning coffee. I felt my world shatter the same way it had the night before. The pain I felt that day reoccurred a million times before I felt even remotely better.

I had been bracing myself for this exact moment since the 7th grade; through breakup playlists, chick-flicks, and plenty of Nicholas Sparks books. Nothing could’ve prepared me for how insanely difficult the next few weeks would be. They were easily the worst of my life, but they weren’t the end of the world. The world around me continued on like nothing terrible had happened. The sun still rose in the east and set in the west, and the continents still stayed firm with every hitting wave of the ocean.

A few months past and I still felt the pain of his absence everywhere I turned. What else was I to expect? The one consistent human being in my life for the past two years came home one day from college, looked me in the eyes, and told me he didn’t feel the same about me anymore. He walked away and continued on with his life, without another thought of me. I was trapped in a nightmare, with reminders of him everywhere I turned.

I can't begin to describe how many things made it feel like the end of the world -- like surfing channels and seeing Monday Night Raw and Sunday night football on ABC, eating Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza, chicken bacon ranch subs from Subway, or the countless movies I now watched solo. Hundreds of songs constantly reminded me of the completeness I felt latching onto his arm. All the baseball games, bulldogs, and trampolines I've seen since never failed to reiterate how alone and incomplete my soul felt without him.

As time goes on, you think you’ve gotten better. You no longer grimace at the little reminders of him or cry every time you think of how his eyes looked when he talked about things he was passionate about. Although it hasn’t been long, you start to forget what his voice sounds like, an echo that had been replaying since the night he left. You continue on with your life, feeling a little more optimistic than the previous day. And then he reappears in your life, knocking you back to square one.

The first time I saw him, I was cheering on the sidelines of a basketball game in February. I hadn’t said a word to him since we said our parting words of empty promises to “still be friends” back in November. This unexplainable vacancy filled my chest when I saw him. I went home that night and looked at the reflection of myself in the glass of my front door. My face dropped and I collapsed into my mom’s arms. I cried so hard that night my fingertips went numb and I couldn’t breathe. But I got up again, washed my face and changed my shirt. I hugged my grandma and she looked me in the eyes saying, “This won’t last forever. You’re going to be okay."

As simple and generic as these words were, it touched me in a way that only my 96-year-old grandma could. I realized that day that I was the deciding factor in how long this heartache lasted. I looked back at my grandma, tears in my eyes, deciding that this broken person was not who I wanted to be.

That day marked the first day of my new outlook on life -- a mental state where I decided what made me happy or sad and every emotion in between. I had been livid with him, myself, and every girl he’d talked to since me.

But I realized I was wasting my time being angry with people who weren’t apart of my life anymore. Why was I so dependent on someone I had absolutely no contact with? Why were others dictating my feelings? It took time for me to answer these questions. I couldn’t press pause and analyze my feelings because the world kept going -- it didn’t stop just because he left my life.

The world could care less how broken my heart was then or how broken your heart is now. If your heart is broken, it is your own problem. You are the one who has to stop your own heart from aching for people who no longer want you. The Earth is going to keep revolving around the sun, just like it did the night your heart broke. Whether we like it or not, time is devastatingly short and doesn’t have sympathy for anyone.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about him often. I constantly miss having the feeling of home within a person and I miss having someone to confide in when the chaos of my life became too much, but now I know that there is more to my life than a guy. And, believe it or not, there’s more to your life than a guy, too.

Sometimes I wish I had never considered him my whole world. I shouldn’t have let a temporary person become a permanent dependency. I was the one who deemed him my happiness, and I am the only one who can cut him from that role.

Two years ago at this time, I was just like you; hurt, lonely, and desperate to find the answer as to why he left. I thought for the longest time that my world was ending in front of my eyes. But it didn’t. If I could go back, I wouldn’t change the relationship I had. Yes, it led me through dark spaces, but it taught me that I am in control of my life. Your time and happiness are dependent on you -- no one else.

Trust me when I say him leaving your life is not the end of the world -- it could very well just be beginning.

Best wishes,

The Girl Who Found Her New Beginning