The cookie-selling season is coming to an end, but that doesn't mean we won't have cookies stocked in our freezer for as long as they will last. Seriously, have you tried frozen Thin Mints? Magical.
Girl Scout cookies are an addiction, and parents of Girl Scouts know it and exploit it. You've seen them in offices, on social media, and at Publix staring you down until you buy cookies from their daughters.
Last week I was leaving the office and ran into two people in the stairwell making a deal. They were in the corner whispering, and I saw her slip him some cash. The man was selling her Girl Scout cookies like he had been doing around the office for the past few weeks. I had even bought from him (or his daughter, whom I've never even seen). This got me thinking about the dealer-like qualities of these parents who get super involved in their daughter's sales of Girl Scout cookies.
1. They're territorial.
If you've ever encountered two competing Girl Scout tables at the supermarket, you know it can be awkward. But, you have no clue about the complaint that mom over there just sent to the troop leader or the nasty text that was sent in the group chat. This has been Karen's Walmart for years! Now Becky thinks she can just bulldoze her way through and try to sell little Sarah's cookies right next door!? Who does she think she is!?
2. They get high on their own supply.
Sure, they all tell themselves that they won't eat any of the cookies. Not only are they unhealthy, but you still have to pay for the ones you eat. Don't think that troop leader won't come after you for every cent. Some may last a few days, strong ones may last a week, but they all crack in the end. Just one box?
3. They get you hooked.
They use different tactics to get you to that first taste in a while. They know after that, you'll be calling them for more. Some may pay for a box themselves, so they can hand out samples. Others encourage people to share with friends.
4. Once they're in, they can't get out.
As trapped as we are in the cookie haze, so are the parents. Some have never done it before and don't know what they're getting into, but one thing is for sure: guilt. If you try to opt out of selling cookies, you can bet the Girl Scouts are going to make you feel like a terrible person. Don't you know it's for a good cause? Don't you know the rest of the troop relies on you too?
5. They encourage destructive behavior.
Namely, your diet. "Oh, what's one box going to do?" You know exactly what it will do because it won't be just one box. They manipulate you by telling you all about how the other girls are doing so much better than their daughters or the season is almost over. It's your last chance! Before you know it, you're three boxes in and up another few pounds.
Most are just trying to be good parents, but my waistline is definitely suffering.
