“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” – Abraham Lincoln
When you grow up motherless, it doesn’t take long before you notice people tend to treat you differently. You grow accustomed to the sad looks, soft tones, and occasional “I’m sorry’s” when you mother is brought up. These reactions become so much more prominent on holidays, especially Mother’s Day. In a sea of flowers, cards, and Facebook posts, I sometimes get the impression that I’m expected to crumble on days that I’m reminded of my mother. I don’t find fault or blame anyone who does break down because we all grieve differently.
But if there’s one thing I want everyone to know, it’s this:
Don’t pity me.
I spend Mother’s Day like most people do. I make a sappy Facebook post. I go to the store and sort through flowers until I find the prettiest roses, and I thank my mom. Alive or not, I will never stop being grateful for the woman who give me life. Does Mother’s Day make me sad? Of course it does. But so does the other 364 days I spend each year that passes without my mother. I’ve spent many more years without my mom than I spent with her. Every positive or negative milestone in my life has been met with the same little knot in my chest that makes me long for a life with her in it. It’s the hardest battle I’ve ever had to fight, because it is one I’ll fight forever. But I will always thank my mother for giving me a big, healthy heart, a loving family, and a level of strength that surprises even me most days.
If you didn’t know me, you wouldn’t bat an eye at the way I spend Mother’s Day. You’d see me in the store buying roses, and think nothing of it. You’d probably have no idea that I was about to bring those roses to the cemetery, so no, a bag is not necessary. So if you do know me, treat me just like that. I don’t pity myself on days like this. Instead, I take the time to think about all the ways I’ve grown to be just like my mom. And I promise you, nothing makes my heart more full.
I never stopped missing my mother and I never will. I’d be lying through my teeth if I said that I don’t grieve a little bit before Mother’s Day is over. But it doesn’t change how much appreciation I have for the woman who gave me my love for words, constant desire to help people, or sassy comebacks. It is said that there is nothing in this world like the love of a mother. Don’t pity me because I was only able to experience five years of a mother’s love. In my eyes, I experienced five years with more love from my mother than some people get in an entire lifetime. Although my heart is heavy on days like Mother’s Day, it is also thankful.
Call your mother, or your stepmother, or your best friend’s mother. Call any mother figure you might have and thank her. Because if there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that you don’t always get tomorrow.
