When I was four years old, my mom, brothers, and I received news from my grandmother that my dad had passed away in a car accident the day before. Since then, it has been a long 16 and a half years that I have grown up without a dad, but as sad as it is, and to put it bluntly, it is something that I am just used to since he died when I was so young.
However, despite the feeling of just being used to not having a father, and despite me being so young when he did pass and not having a ton of memories, there are still days when I just miss my dad and wish that he was around. But some may not have had that long to come to terms with the loss of their father, and some may just never come to terms with it. But despite where you lie, I know what it's like to be the girl missing her dad.
I know what it's like to see the posts on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. when Father's Day rolls around and feel the pang of sadness that comes along.
I know what it's like to wonder if your dad would be proud of what you're doing
I know what it's like to wonder if you would have been a huge "daddy's girl" if you had just been given the chance.
I know what it's like to hold on to and relive the memories you have with your father.
I know what it's like to feel a twinge of jealousy when you see other girls with their dad.
I know what it's like to feel just a bit mad when someone speaks bad about their dad just because he wouldn't allow them to do something they wanted to do, because you would give a lot to be able to speak to your dad just once more.
I know what it's like to have an overwhelming feeling of sadness come over you, no matter how long it's been.
I know what it's like to know that you will never be able to have your father walk you down the aisle at your wedding or get to have a father/daughter dance.
I know what it's like to be in the uncomfortable situation after you tell people your father passed away and they don't quite know what to say to you.
I know what it's like to wish you could talk to him and see him just one more time.
But, despite all of these feelings, the dread of Father's Day rolling around, the random bouts of sadness that can arise, and the wishes you would give anything to have come true, I like to believe that my father is always with me. My mom used to tell me when I was younger that just because my dad wasn't their physically, he would always be in my heart and the brightest star in the sky. And that's what I'd like to think. So no matter the situation, I think my dad is always there with me.
I know it sucks, I know it hurts. And whether you lost your father 16 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, or even a couple of days ago, know this: no matter what you believe, your father will always be in your heart, watching over you, and immensely proud of you.
