When I was a little girl I had the dream that one day, years from then, I would graduate college with a diploma and husband in hand. It was a simple math problem. Like 1 + 1 = 2, the way it was supposed to be. Boy meets girl in calculus. Boy asks girl out. Boy and girl fall in love. The boy asks the girl to marry him. It was the plot of every cheesy romantic comedy I loved, every novel I read in high school, and every way I imagined my college experience would be.
Fast forward to 2018 and I'm nearly 23-years-old and preparing to finish my college career this spring. Yes, I've completed all courses to qualify me as a graduate. I've passed every class. I've aced (and sometimes bombed) exams and papers and those annoying group projects. I'm graduating from the University of Tennessee with my best friends, my wealth of knowledge and a degree I can't wait to put to good use.
However, I am not leaving college with a husband.
During my four years in college, I had my fair share of dates. I went out with guys from class, old high school crushes and yes, even guys from online. Though I was dating, nothing ever stuck. My dating life, while active, was not successful and often ended with long night with my girlfriends and a glass of wine. I watched as my friends met boys, became supportive girlfriends and eventually got engaged.
I was amazed that the group of women I had grown up with were now becoming wives. I smiled, told them how happy I was for them and reminded them of how lucky they were to have found someone. Despite the smile had on my face through every engagement, every picture, and every hug, I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I was somehow not good enough.
There is a misconception among college students that women go to school for a "Mrs. Degree." I was told from a young age that many people met their husbands in college and it was assumed I would do the same. At every family gathering, my friends and family would ask if I had "found my man yet." I would receive questions about why I hadn't found the one, why I wasn't tied down and why I was somehow lagging behind my peers in the relationship department.
I started to blame myself, why I was in my early 20s and still single while my friends were planning weddings. I felt unloved, unworthy and undesirable. I felt as if I had done something wrong. It wasn't until I sat down to reflect on my time in college, my experiences and who I am as a person that I realized that graduating college as a single woman was one of the most empowering feelings I had ever felt.
1. You are not single.
Who even made up that label anyway? Technically, you are not in a relationship. You are not single. You have so many people who love you that you will always have someone there for you. Even though it may not feel like it right now, you are adored more than you will ever know. The term ‘single’ should not be a label you carry around. It does not define you. It does not make you any less or any more of a person.
2. You are worth everything.
I know it hurts right now. Just because you don’t have a man strapped to your side doesn’t mean you are unloved or unlovable. I have been through times where I believed that just because I didn’t have a boyfriend that something was wrong with me. I told myself it was my fault. It was my looks. Maybe I wasn’t pretty enough. Maybe I wasn’t tall, smart, or funny enough for anyone to love me. After several talks with my dear friends, I soon began to realize that it wasn’t me. It just wasn’t my time yet. I should never love a man who could not adore me the way I am.
A man should in no way ever define your worth as a human being. You are strong. You are independent. Don’t tolerate men who do not appreciate you, who do not love you and your whole heart with all its cracks and flaws. You are special and unique and so valuable. You are a queen. You don’t need anyone who thinks otherwise.
3. You will find ‘the one.’
You will not be alone forever. That is a promise. There’s no doubt in my mind that somebody will fall in love with you. He will fall in love with your smile, your laugh, and the way your hair looks when you haven’t washed it in three days. He’ll love you when you’ve had too much to drink, he’ll love you when you’re crying or when you’re so mad that you’re beautiful.
As cheesy and cliched as it sounds, your soulmate is out there. He’s living each day waiting for you, and when the time is right you’ll meet him. Maybe in class, maybe in a coffee shop or work or even in line at FedEx. It just takes patience.
4. Love will happen.
Love doesn’t come when you want it to. It comes when you least expect it. When it knows you’re ready. It comes when you’re yelling at the Starbucks barista. It comes on your first day of work after college. It comes in small moments that no one could ever predict. Love is not on a schedule.
5. Only accept great love.
Never, and I mean NEVER love anybody who does not thrill you, excite you, and fight for you with all the passion in the world. Love is meant to be an adventure that touches us deep in our souls. It is great and amazing and wild and spontaneous, don’t accept anything less. Do not let somebody into your heart if they aren’t willing to fight for it.
