To the girl that was given false hope, false confidence in her feelings, false security on their connection.

To the girl that spent endless nights thinking about him, had countless interrupted study sessions wondering about what he might be doing, that missed parts of lecture daydreaming about the time they would finally be together.

To the girl that stood in the shadows, watched as he flirted from person to person, cracked every time he took another shot.

To the girl that passed out crying every other night from the pain, questioned how much she was really worth, felt that she could never be loved by anyone else.

You are not alone. You are not worthless. You are not below anyone else.

You should not feel ashamed. You should not feel foolish. You should not feel empty.

He gives you false hope because he is confused, scared, and uncertain in himself. He gives you false hope because he is cowardly, tainted, and callow. He gives you false hope because he is not a man.

You had always felt something for him from the moment you saw him. You didn’t know what it was, but it was there. You kept it to yourself, only maybe mentioning it to your best of friends, but for the most part, that feeling was for you to figure out.

You coped with it well. You could pass by him, be in the same room as him, or even talk to him as if there was never something more, something stronger, for him. You could watch him play his sport without staring at him, but you would know his every move. You could happen to drop by where he works when he was on schedule. He could switch in to your class and never catch your glances. He would never have guessed how strongly you cared for him, how you wished for the best for him in everything, how being so close but so far from him tortured you on the inside but you never said a word.

He would be gone soon. You hardly knew him. There was no way to make the most of the ticking clock. You held back knowing that soon the internal struggle would be over. Any chance of actually being with him would just be a silly fantasy. You could stalk him online through media, but the feelings would eventually simmer down until they were no longer existent. It was the sheer chance, the reality of the possibility that still kept the spark lit. But soon enough, he would be gone forever, never knowing.

One night, that all changed. He approached you, told you that he needed to talk to you. He spilled his feelings, his thoughts, some of his deepest emotions over a drunken confidence. He tells you that you are the only one he could ever be with. He tells you that he thinks of you throughout the day. He speaks your thoughts aloud, coming from his heart. He gives you his word that he feels so strongly.

Next thing you know, it's winter break. You don’t hear from him at all. Week by week passes by. You still check your phone in hopes that he has thought of you. Nothing. You were hurt but content knowing that maybe he needed to just say how he felt, or maybe that he was too drunk to know what he was even saying. You were over it, again, and ready to face the last semester holding in once again.

But the first day back to campus rolls around and he texts you that night. He comes to your room, only to confirm what he had said weeks ago was accurate. You finally work up the courage to tell him how you feel. You spend the remainder of the night talking with him and figuring out what to do from there. He said he could take you out on a date, but the fear of titles, which you didn’t want to begin with, tore it all apart in the end.

With mutual emotions filling the air, he left. He exited your life as easily as he invited himself in, not giving an explanation, a follow-up, a courtesy call, nothing.

The remainder of the year was spent playing games. Being present in each other’s presence but refusing to look or talk to each other. His roommates knew who you were only in relation to him. Slowly, everything got worse. You would work up the courage to talk to him, but he treated you like an outsider. Drunken evenings turned into full on fights and arguments. His presence slowly broke you down until you cracked. He acted as if you were nothing to him, but raged if you caught the attention of another.

Time has passed and he is long gone. You have tried to blame yourself for going out that one last evening before finals, but he approached you. He initiated, and he gave you false hope in what could have been something wonderful. He caused your heart ache, pain, and numbness.

You are strong and will come out of this with your head held up very high, and with the brightest of hopes for the future. But his false hope gifted to you, can never be forgotten.