The Girl Who Found Her Comfort In Guy Friends

The Girl Who Found Her Comfort In Guy Friends

You may be a girl, but you're a bro when you're with them.
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Growing up, I really only had friends who were girls. I was terrified to speak to guys because I had been bullied more by them than females growing up, not to mention that somehow I was attracted to guys anyways. I thought they were some other crazy, untouchable, careless thing, so I stuck to hanging out with girls. I mean, I was a girl, so it only made sense and was expected, right?

Things with girls were a lot of fun, but there was a lot of emotion, conflict, and drama between them, and we all took part in these roles. It became exhausting and tiring on all of us, and with time, I realized I couldn't handle these things and slowly I drifted away from my closest girl friends, especially by the end of high school. This was also around the time I began to realize that guys weren't some strange creature, that they were a lot of fun, and I didn't have to care as much or worry as much around them. So by the end of high school, most of my girl friends and I had lost our closeness, and I was becoming closer with guys.

My freshman year of college was when I pretty much only had guy friends, and now, in my junior year, this holds even more true. I'd say I have only three actual girl friends--one who's at a college four hours away-- and a few "acquaintance" girl friends, but close and actual guy friends? Boy, I've got a list of them, and I hang out with guys probably 90% of the time I'm hanging out with anyone.

I'm the girl who found her comfort in guy friends.

What's better than kicking it back with the guys, doing stupid stuff, eating ungodly amounts of food and drinking too much beer? Learning more about video games and sports than you'd ever thought, going out and doing some wild shenanigans, being gross and messy together, without worrying what anyone thinks?

But what's also better than having relationship problems and seeking out your guy friends for advice? They give you the guy's perspective, because let's face it, maybe if you are a "bro" by now, you're still a female with a female body, mind, and emotions, so as much as you think you may know a guy's mind by now, no one knows better than a guy himself. Shoutout to my guy friends who let me be an annoying girl sometimes and let me vent about other guys, then offer me real, blunt, good advice.

Guy friends are more loyal than almost any girlfriend I've ever had. They tell it like it is, they don't sugarcoat things--they tell you the truth that you need to hear. They're also there to kick any person's ass who hurts you, especially if that person was a guy because they know what goes on in guy's heads, and they won't tolerate that. They're also there when you're hurting, as in they'll actually be there versus just calling or texting to check up, like most girls tend to do. They'll be there at 2 am when you need them. They'll slap some sense into you.

Having guy friends is a blessing, but it can have its drawbacks.

For example, relationships. Guys can get pretty protective or jealous of girls, whether as friends or being in a romantic relationship. Having a boyfriend can be difficult when you have a lot of guy friends because they may be constantly warning you that your guy friends have other motives, not fully trusting you to not get intimate with them, or just plain confused that a girl even has mostly guy friends (and that can off-put a boyfriend).

Another example: you can't relate to all aspects of guy life. You're a female with a female body and female expectations and female roles that have been ingrained to you since birth, so of course, many sensitive details and commonalities between guys you can't relate with, but it can often be a super entertaining and eye-opening conversation to experience when your guy friends get on some totally unrelatable subjects when you're a girl.

I couldn't be more thankful that most of my friends are guys, though.

Having guy friends has offered me a new perspective of life that I was missing out on growing up. I blend naturally with guys now, far far better than with girls. I feel a substance and connection between guys that I rarely feel between girls. There's a comfort in having mostly guy friends, a comfort that not many girls can relate to, just like I can't relate to finding comfort in mostly girlfriends.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have lady friends, too, but it doesn't feel natural to me, and it makes me rather uncomfortable being around a lot of women (or even just one). It makes me feel alienated, especially since I have interests that tend to be incredibly different from the average girl.

I don't like most girly and feminine things or girl interests in general.

For the past few years, friends (male and female) have joked that I'm basically a guy because of my lingo and interests, and of course, having mostly guy friends.

I say "dude", "man", and "bro" way more than should be socially acceptable. I don't wear make-up (maybe an occasional lipstick or mascara, but otherwise, I haven't used anything past that since sophomore year of high school) and honestly, I really don't see the point of makeup. I don't bother trying to spend most of my morning looking nice for the day. My hair either goes natural or bedhead or put up in a ponytail. I can get ready and out the door in less than ten minutes to start my day. I bite my nails, I don't mind if I don't shower for two days, my room and house is a mess because I don't really clean, do dishes, throw away trash, put up clothes, etc.

I don't like chick flicks or really anything romantic and gushy. I don't fantasize about marriage or kids or all the other usual things girls do. I rarely care about drama or gossip in general--especially the way girls do it and talk about it--, and I prefer deeper, more relaxing talk to the superficial talk most girls do. I don't dress like most girls do, especially sorority-esque girls who rep the personality of like 90% of girls around me. I dress more feminine most of the time, but my take on my style and how I carry myself are vastly different. I can look hella laid back one day, grunge-y another, girly on yet another, etc. etc. But I don't dress like the typical girl on the daily. I don't care about how I am presented in action, words, or appearance, and that vibe is noticed by girls and guys alike. It's something guys respect and girls judge and feel intimidated by. How I carry myself is a big part of why I get along way better with guys than with girls.

Because of who I am, what I'm interested in, and how I act, I find my comfort in guy friends, not girls. Everyone has that friend group that makes them feel at home, and I'm that girl who feels at home in her group of guy friends. And I couldn't be any more thankful and happier that that's the case.

Cover Image Credit: Max Pixel

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To My Best Friend Who Taught Me What True Friendship Is, I Can't Thank You Enough

"To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding."
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Dear Best Friend,

You have been a part of my life for quite some time now. You have seen my good, bad, and ugly sides and have stuck by my side through it all. I don't know if I could ever find the words to truly thank you for everything your friendship has given me, but I am definitely going to try.

Our lives have taken some twist and turn these past few years, but we have stayed strong through it all.

Thank you for judging me just the right amount.

Throughout our friendship, I have made some very questionable decisions. A lot of people would say "thanks for never judging me," but I feel like everyone needs a best friend who's going to tell them how it is, to tell them when they are about to make a bad decision or how to avoid something worse from happening. You have always told me how it is (even when I don't always want to hear it), but I know that I can come to you whenever I need someone to set me straight.

You're always down to do nothing with me.

I think that you are the one person that I can call up to hang out and do absolutely nothing with and have a good time. From the nights sitting in and playing card games to ordering Chinese food and watching an entire Netflix series while I dance around with the cat: I know that we could do anything, and nothing together and it would be fun.

But also, you're always down to get lit with me.

I swear one day we will be two old moms at a bar drinking vodka crans and laughing about the stupid shit our husbands and children do. You're always down to go out and have a good time. Even if everyone else we're with is miserable, we find a way to laugh at ourselves.

You are one of the few constant things in my life.

I've lost a lot of friends in my life, but you have stayed by my side through everything. I can't remember the last time we actually fought about anything, but even when we do we can't stay mad at each other for more than a day. I know we will be in each other's lives until we literally keel over.

I want you yo know that you're the strongest person I know.

You've dealt with things that not many people go through ever in their life. You have always been so mature, and you handle everything with grace. You inspire me every day with your goals and successes and I am so proud of you and all of your accomplishments.

Above all else, you deserve the world.

It's so easy to get caught up in your own mind and think that you deserve the things that happen to you, but please know that the only thing you deserve is happiness. Please settle for nothing short of that. It may take a bit to find your happiness, but I will be there every step of the way. You're a remarkable human being, and I want nothing but the best for you.

To the person who will hold your heart someday, please do not break it. To the person who may wrong you, you will regret it forever. To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding.

You, my best friend, future bridesmaid, godmother of my children, the person to bail me out of jail, the one who lets me cry on their couch for twelve hours,

I love you.

I will cherish our friendship forever. Thank you for being you.

Love always,

Your best friend.

Cover Image Credit: Adriana Ranieri

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You Don't Have To See Your Friends Every Day

We all have lives that we're trying to balance.

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For as long as I can remember, whenever I would have no plans and go on Snapchat to see all my friends having fun without me, I would get FOMO. I'd get really sad and think that they didn't care about me because they didn't invite me. It would get me in such a bad mood that it would ruin any chance of going out with someone else who wanted to hang out.

I don't know if it was just my anxiety of people hating me or if it was a fear of missing out (FOMO). Even recently, it has gotten me down. However, over the past month or so, I finally realized something: you don't have to hang out every day to still consider each other friends.

Everyone has a life that they're trying to balance, especially after high school. People work (maybe even more than one job) and go to school. Some have to take care of family members or do things for their family. Some people are focusing on themselves. Some have relationships to maintain. Whatever it is, we all have lives that we're trying to balance.

We all want to have fun, but school, work, and our families are the priorities.

Even if they're out hanging with other people, it doesn't mean that they don't want to hang out with you. Free time is served on a "first come, first serve" basis. It's hard to balance hanging out with multiple people.

I also learned that it doesn't matter the number of friends you have. What truly matters is the quality. Ask yourself, "Who's there for me when I really need someone?" The people who are there for you when you really need someone to talk to are your TRUE friends.

It's not easy to be there for someone and make them feel better. If they offer to listen or give advice, they care!

I know that it may feel like you have no friends sometimes, but that's not true. Life after high school is hard at times. You're an adult. You have to do adult things and take care of yourself first.

You have to realize that everyone has a busy schedule and not all your friends' schedules will align with yours, but that's okay! You don't need to hang out with friends every day to consider them your friends. What truly matters is if they are there for you when you need them.

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