I'm a 21-year-old female college student with a multitude of identities. A lot of those associations are what I make of myself but those identities are also what others make of me in my connection to them and the world. Whether we like it or not, that's just something that is a fundamental concept in our culture--that self-image and self-love is important in our individual identities but that our relations with others and society will affect us in who we become in life, where we end up going, and how others perceive us.

So who am I?

I'm a lover of Christ. I am a student. I am an aspiring physical therapist. I am a mentor. I am a daughter. I am a granddaughter. I am a sister. I am a sister-in-law. I am a best friend. I am a friend. I am a dog mom. I am a lover of coffee, writing, hikes, and quality time. I am a lover of learning. I am a brother. I am a writer. I am single. I am a landlord. I am someone who will invest if it's right. I am a light tease. I am a listener but can also be a talker. I enjoy traveling. I love to joke. Etc.

If you notice, some of these things have to do with what I am involved in & others have to do with hobbies and preferences, but the one thing I see as a common denominator is that these things essentially can all bring me back to my relationships with others and the stages of life in which I find myself and the expectations that come along with that. My associations and identities either allow me to relate to others or they put me in positions where I am in route to pursuing things that will put me towards circumstances in which I will reach others but also fulfill all the things I have on my list at that time.

There's just no getting around it. Our relationships with others as well as the things we accomplish are essential to this life in each phase. And unfortunately, I think that a lot of us allow our progress in life to be defined by what everyone else is doing. This is my way of coming forward to say I'm definitely guilty of this accusation.

Since when did life become a giant checklist and happiness become subjective to society's expectations? Why are we, as people, able to come together and celebrate that it's OK (and even encouraged) that everyone is different but then allow the silence of our comparisons to others and their accomplishments to get the best of us in the worst way?

Y'all it's not just you. There are so many things that I feel like I'm behind the curve on. It's something that's really been on my heart this year--that where I am is not where everyone else is anymore. Truth be told, I'm in this really weird position where half of my friends are still in Auburn but half of them are graduating, and here I'll stay for another year--not knowing exactly what's going to happen.

And yes, I recognize that most people are more lost than they admit — that they're faking it until they make it. However, lately, I've really felt like I've been battling this demon of uncertainty all by myself. It's really hard to remain confident at all times that I will eventually get where I want to go because my spectrum of reference of where I should be in life is at a point where anything could be possible.

Because while I feel like there is a structured way of how life should go (grow up, leave home, go to college, meet awesome man, graduate, get married, graduate school, have li'l chillies and dogs, grow old, etc.), there is also this endless list of possibilities that haunts me because I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. I am fully responsible for what happens next. And that absolutely scares the daylights out of me.

It's really easy for me to criticize everything I'm not: not in a relationship, not as active in some things as I want to be, didn't land that job I wanted, not that person I want to be to everyone, wasn't enough for her, wasn't enough for him, etc. Because I've definitely fallen into that hole more than a few times.

I'm am so tired of feeling like if my life doesn't line up with "where it should be" then I'm a failure. Those doubts lead to more questions that the devil wants me to constantly ponder so that he can leave me feeling empty and alone. It has been a major sin in my life lately, and I'm no longer ashamed to admit it because I've found that the person it hurts most more than myself is the Creator.

He did not create me for the purpose of criticizing myself or others. It has really been an uphill battle because I've been feeling so much pressure to be in a place where I'm just not yet. I haven't been living my life the way he intended and it's because of my fear of failing.

I'm constantly learning to overcome the hurdles I've put on myself. Comparisons are a thief of joy.

And man, I'm ready to feel that joy again wholeheartedly.

So if you're like me, things are a work in progress right now. You'll get where you need to go if you're starting with reassessing your priorities. Things can be overwhelming but you'll get there if you're willing to put in the effort to see beyond the constraints you are putting on yourself. Because that's where it all starts and ends.