So I was in the midst of writing a fun article about all the things that will happen when you leave school and enter the workforce, and I had a panic attack by the time I got to #11. Instead, I am writing about how shocked I am that I was able to make it through college. School was never easy for me, and I originally had not planned on applying to college. Here is the tell-all of my education experience.

When I walked out of my last exam a couple days ago and went back to my room, it hit me. I made it through college. And I started crying. I had a rough time in school throughout my life. My mental health started to catch up with me in middle school. I have gone to public school my whole life up until that point. From 4th to 7th grade, I spent many mornings in the front office calling my mom begging her to bring me back home. I say 7th grade because in 8th grade I managed to sneak into the bathroom with my cell phone. The public school setting got to be too overwhelming for me, and it got in the way of my academic performance.

In 9th grade, I transferred to a private high school out in the city. The school environment was much calmer, and I made so many new friends instantly. But because I was at a competitive high school, that meant the work was much harder. I almost failed out within 2 months of being there. I was torn because I was not used to accelerated classes, but for once I was not calling my mom to bring me home, finally. My teachers were worried about me, and I'm sure my classmates thought I was stupid at the time but were too nice to actually tell me that. One day, my mom picked me up from school, and I was looking at my classmates standing outside our beautiful gym building thinking things have finally turned around. And my mom says to me, "I don't know how much longer I can keep you in this school." I felt like I was not good enough. I felt like I was too stupid for private school. I was miserable in public school, and it looked like I was about to go back. The best 2 months were about to end.

I don't remember if I was on academic probation or not, but I probably should have since I was failing almost every class. I remembered failing Biology, but my teacher decided to give me a D- just so I could make it a little longer. My mom and I looked at other schools just in case. Because I was sobbing when she brought up the idea of going back to my old school and having people know I failed out.

I somehow made it through the rest of 9th grade at my new school. I was up late almost every night with my parents on every damn homework assignment. I spent many free periods working on essays with my teachers. I had no idea what analysis meant, by the way. That's how bad it was. On top of that, I did two sports. I did Cheerleading and Softball. That was considered my break from homework and being in class. And that summer, I worked with a tutor about 2-3 times a week. It paid off.

Since then I was able to make it through my classes on my own. I was even able to graduate from there.

But then there was college. I got into my top choice, which was Endicott College, and it was the best 4 years of my life. Because I was living away from home, I got really bad anxiety even though I was never homesick. I was so happy to finally be away from home, it didn't make any sense. I ended up being hospitalized for one of my panic attacks right before Thanksgiving.

In High School, I learned to improve my academic performance. But in college, I learned to finally do something about my mental health. And that had to include telling other people about my mental health problems, which is way harder than it looks. I loved college, but it was hard. While I was doing fine academically, I woke up in the middle of the night hundreds of times panting, I had several mental breakdowns, experienced self-discovery, and tried new things just for the sake of reducing my panic attacks.

By senior year, I was burned out. I was actually homesick for once. I wanted to drop out of college. I just could not handle it anymore. Instead of calling my mom asking her to bring me home, I was asking her to give me reasons to not drop out. I asked her to convince me that I am a good student because it felt like I wasn't doing s**t, despite my average grades. Instead of asking her to bring me home, I was asking her to help me finish the semester, even if that meant crying on the phone with her for an hour.

I made it to my last final exam and did not fail any classes. Even as a senior in college I still struggled with exams. And sometimes it's not about improving your study skills, it is having a conversation with your professor. Because if you are scared of failing the class and your professor is aware of that, they are more likely to help you do well.

So here I am at the end of my college career. I got into college, survived all 4 years, and I have a job. And it hit me like a giant wave. I thought I was going to fail out of my high school, and maybe get my degree online if I had the energy. I am crying in my empty campus apartment because that never happened. I had a positive High School experience, and somehow completed college? That was a bonus that I did not expect to have. A part of me feels that I don't deserve a college degree. I am done with school for the rest of my life, and I work for a company that I hoped I would work for one day.

I got my degree in Psychology, and I have chosen the retail industry. Hopefully to become a manager in a few months, and then move over to their Human Resources department in either my late twenties or when I turn 30.